Unbreakable
by Iphigenie
Summary: When June Murdoch meets the rude yet charming wireless operator Jack Phillips she doesn't know that this love will change her life forever ... my first story, rewritten and translated into English. NEW CHAPTERS! Reviews would be great!
1. Chapter 1

Life never turns out the way you've planned it to. I have learned that the hard way. When I first met Jack Phillips, I did not know that this rude, fast – living, smart, funny and handsome man should become my fate. When I stepped onto the deck of the Titanic, I did not think that it would change my whole life forever.

Even now, when I look back, it sometimes still feels like a dream and it is hard to believe that Titanic ever really existed. "The ship of dreams", she was called ... And now you could say, she is. Most of the people who knew are dead now and I have only my memories left to know that Titanic once was real. That he was real …

My name is Jane Frances Bride and this is my story … The story of people … the story of a time … the story of a ship … a story about love. This is for Jack …

Since I can remember the fate of my family has been bound to the ocean. Our name was Murdoch, the Gaelic word for sailor … It was tradition for the oldest son in the family to choose the sea for a career. My grandfather Samuel Murdoch had been a captain at sea, as had been his father and his uncles before him. It was a surprise, when of his six children only my uncle William decided to follow his footsteps.

I can still remember Will. I see him, standing in the doorway, waving his cap, as my aunt Ada and I came running to him. When I hugged him, I could smell aftershave and soap, mixed with the scent of seawater and the ocean winds. The scent of a sailor …

When I moved to Southampton after the death of my father to live with Will and his wife I did not have the slightest intention of ever entering a ship. I thought of the many members my family had lost to the sea and I hated ships. The thought of being stuck and completely dependent on a monster made up of steel and metal, with nothing underneath me but tons of water was terrifying to me. My grandfather always teased me that I was too much like my father when it came to that. I only liked the ship models, Will used to built for me when I was a child.

One of my first memories of Will is sitting with him in his living room, watching him built a small and perfect copy of the Saint Cuthbert, a ship he had been first mate on. My five year old self marvelling at the quick and precise work of his hands. His personal favourite as Will once told me, was a model of the Runic, the ship on which he had met his future wife, his Ada.

Poor Ada! If she would have known the tragic fate of her husband, she would have tied Will to the kitchen chair and never let him go …

Nevertheless, I still liked to accompany Will to the port of Southampton, everytime he was leaving for his work again. Or to greet him when he returned. I loved to sit on a bench and watch all the different people passing by. I had never seen such a huge variety of people than at the port of Southampton: sailors, stokers, ship officers, first class passengers in their expensive clothes and the third class passengers on their way to a new and better life. And wireless operators. I could always recognise them by the golden M they had on their caps. M for Marconi, Guglielmo Marconi, the founder of wireless telegraphy. But I had no idea at that time that it was a young Marconi wireless operator who should change my life forever …


	2. Chapter 2

It was in 1911, on a clear and warm autumn day. Ada was working, Will was on the Olympic on his way to New York. I was by myself and somehow I ended up at the port, sitting on a bench and taking notes in my notebook. Even though I could never bring myself to step on a ship, I felt drawn to the port and its people. To the sea. I was sitting near the pier of the White Star Line. I can even remember what I was wearing. My favourite red and white striped dress with matching red boots and a white hat with a red and white striped ribbon that I had put next to me. Strange really … I was never the one to care about clothes or to remember what I was wearing …

Anyway, it was my hat that should set the fateful events in motion.

I was lost in my notes, when I noticed a gust of wind grabbing at my hair, waving it into my face and into the air.

"Great", I muttered, closing my notebook and trying to put order into my hair by reaching out for my hat. Only that it wasn't there anymore. The wind had blown it on the street, further and further away with every blow.

"No, stop!" I called out. Taking my notebook I got up, running to catch my hat. Which was made difficult by the fact that I was wearing a tight dress. Looking back now, I must have been quite the picture for the people I was running past. Not that I would have minded. I wanted to get my hat back and as I focused on the stupid thing I failed to notice where I was running. I did not see the person standing in front of me. Only when I was crashing into him. Because I was running, the collision was even harder, throwing me on the ground and ungently on my bottom.

"Ouch!", I moaned, grimacing in pain.

"My, that is what I call a hurry", a male voice said before me.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm not sure", I replied sarcastically, rubbing my injured hip. "I haven't looked."

The man chuckled.

"How many fingers do you see?", he asked me, putting a strong looking hand with slender fingers in front of my face.

I looked up.

"Is that supposed to be a joke?", I asked him in disbelief.

"Well, yes", he answered. "But a bad one, I admit."

He gave me his hand to help me up.

"Thank you", I said, feeling slightly self-conscious. "I am really sorry for this …"

"No need to worry", the man replied cheerfully. "It takes more than a cute girl to knock me off the ground."

I decided to ignore this comment.

He grinned as he held up his right hand. I noticed my hat.

"Did you want to get this?", he asked.

"Yes!", I replied, relieved at finally having my hat back. "Thank you."

For the first time, I looked now straight into the stranger's face. Blue eyes were looking at me, a blue that I had never seen before. Or after. Bluer and deeper than any ocean …

A blue that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

I felt my knees giving away.

"Careful!" He just caught me, before I could fall down again. "Maybe you should sit down for a few minutes", he suggested, a slight smile on his face.

"Yes …"

I was lying in his arms, my heart beating as if it was trying to break out of my chest. I could take in his scent. Seawater, wind and sun … Our bodies were so close, that our noses almost touched, his blue eyes fixed on me. Never had I been so close to anyone …

"Are you sure you are alright?", the man asked me doubtfully, breaking the silence.

I coughed, blushing. "Yes, yes of course, I'm fine", I managed to answer.

"Good …", he said, not sounding convinced. He was still holding me.

I was smiling, trying to hide my nervousness. "You can let me go now", I told him.

"Oh sure!" Slowly, he put his hands off me.

I shivered when I felt his fingertips shortly touching and leaving my back.

"I apologise for bumping into you", I said, avoiding his gaze so I would not lose myself in his eyes again. "Normally I am not that careless."

"Yes, I thought so", he chuckled. He looked at my dress. "I did not think that you are the kind of girl who spends her days at ports. Are you waiting for your fiancé?"

"Excuse me?!", I said, blushing with embarrassment.

"I do not think this is a decent topic of conversation!", I told him heatedly.

He raised his hands in defense. "Sorry", he apologised. "Just curious."

I looked at him for a moment. He was tall, taller than me with short, chocolate brown hair coming out from under his cap and warm blue eyes. His skin had a bronze tan from the sun and he had broad shoulders and an athletic figure. He was wearing the uniform of the White Star Line. Just one look at his cap and I knew who he was. I noticed the golden M.

So my stranger was a wireless operator, approximately in his early twenties. And a good looking one, I had to admit …

"So, will you tell me your name?", he asked, sounding suddenly almost a bit shy.

I had to smile.

"June", I answered, "My name is June Murdoch."

I imagined to see something light up in his blue eyes.

"Nice meet you", he said, shaking my hand, sending a rush through my body.

"I am Jack Phillips."

"A wireless operator", I said,looking at his uniform.

Jack laughed. "Yes I am", he nodded.

"I will be leaving on the Adriatic next week", he told me. "That is why I am here."

"I have never seen you here", the words slipped out of me before I could have stopped them.

"Is that your first job as a wireless operator?"

Jack had got me curious. Without knowing why, I wanted to find out more about this charming, yet slightly rude but fascinating man.

A smile crossed Jack's face.

"No, it's just that I haven't been in Southampton for a long time", he explained.

"For the last three years I worked at the Marconi station outside Clifden, in Ireland."

"Oh." I fell silent, self-conscious and nervous. This was completely new for me. Talking to strange, handsome wireless operators I just crashed into … I wasn't used to this sort of situation. Or to having someone like Jack making me feel like this.

And if my grandparents would have seen my now, they would have been scandalised.

"I, I should probably go now", I managed to say, even though I suddenly hated the thought of leaving without knowing if I would meet Jack again. "My aunt is waiting for me …"

I should go too", Jack agreed. "I am supposed to be meeting a friend."

"So, then this is goodbye", I assumed, trying to think of something witty to say that would make him stay.

"Seems like it", Jack said.

Feeling stupid, I took my hat, wanting to put it on.

"Don't do that!"; Jack stopped me abruptly.

I looked at him, surprised.

"What?", I asked, confused.

I saw the flicker in his eyes.

"You have beautiful hair", Jack replied. "It would be a shame to cover it with something as hideous as a hat."

I smiled, uncertain. "Are you mocking me?", I wanted to know.

Jack chuckled.

"Actually I'm serious.", he said, looking at me with this blue eyes.

I felt the heat, wandering to my ears and cheeks.

"I don't think we should be having this kind of conversation", I said, my voice all of a sudden small and shy.

"But you also don't have girls bumping into you everyday", Jack mentioned with a cute crooked grin on his face.

I had to laugh. "You are probably right", I admitted.

Jack turned his eyes away from me, looking down the pier.

"I wanted to experience something unexpected today", he said. He smiled at me. "And you are definitely unexpected."

I looked down, hoping Jack wouldn't notice me blushing.

"Has anyone ever told you that you are very blunt?", I asked him.

Jack chuckled. "The word people normally use is rude", he told me. "For me, I just say things as they come into my mind."

"Yes, I thought so …"

I felt as in a dream. Jack and me, standing there … Two strangers and yet, we talked, as if we would have known each other for ages. As if our meeting wasn't just pure coincidence, but as if I had come here to see him. As if Jack would have known exactly where to find me … I never thought much about faith and destiny. But looking back now, I know that Jack Phillips and I were predestined to meet.

Yet, back than, the noise of the port and the people walking past us, pulled me back into reality.

I turned to Jack. "I really have to go", I said, smiling self-consciously.

"Goodbye, Mr. Phillips."

Bye Miss Murdoch", Jack replied, mocking me because I was addressing him by his last name.

I slowly turned away.

"Wait!" I suddenly heard Jack's voice behind me.

My heart skipping a beat, I looked back to him.

Jack bit on his lips.

"Can I see you again?", he asked me.

Had I misheard something? Was this really the question I was wishing him to ask me?

Jack's blue eyes met mine.

I smiled, as I turned to leave.

"You know where to find me …"

I could see the sparkle in his eyes, as I went away from him.

"Okay …"

It was a collision that had brought Jack Phillips into my life. Eight months later another collision would take him from me again. What I didn't know was that both collisions would take the same amount of time. 43 seconds … 43 seconds that would define my life forever …

Back at home I tried to act as normal as possible, so that Ada wouldn't notice. I wasn't sure how she would take my story of me meeting Jack Phillips. Luckily, as always when Will was away she busied herself with work and only left her study for dinner.

In the meantime, I was trying to get Jack out of my head. How could this be that you just met someone and already after five minutes they are all you can think about? That you could feel your heartbeat accelerate, when dreaming about seeing them again …

I had nothing to compare it to. Was this falling in love? No, ridiculous!

Jack had asked me to see him again. Should I now go back where we had met today and just wait for him? I knew people and I could tell that Jack Phillips was a carefree young wireless operator. Easily distracted. Easily bored. Not in the least bit like me. From what I knew, he might have already forgotten we ever met!

"June?" Ada's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Are you listening to me?"

I looked up, suddenly remembering that I was sitting with my aunt at the dinner table.

"Sorry", I apologised.

"I was lost in thoughts."

Ada, noticing my agitation, shook her head to show that it was okay.

"I was just telling you that Will send a postcard today", she repeated.

"He is fine and looking forward to see us soon."

I smiled. "That's good."

I paused for a second.

"Ada, can I ask you something?"

She looked at me, clearly curious.

"Of course."

I tried to sound as casual as possible.

"When did you first notice that you were in love with Will?", I wanted to know.

Ada blushed slightly.

"Oh", she said, resting her arm under her chin as she tried to remember.

"Let me think …", she said slowly.

"I first saw Will eight years ago, on the Medic. I noticed him at the bridge, after I had went outside for a breath of fresh air …"

Ada's voice was now far away as she travelled back in time, when she had first met William Murdoch …

"I immediately liked him", she told me. "But I had no idea how to approach him. I didn't want to embarrass myself, by asking him some stupid question about ships."

She giggled at the memory.

"So you did nothing?", I asked, eager to hear more.

Ada firmly shook her head.

"Of course not!", she said, smiling.

"For three days, I spent every minute from morning to evening up at the bridge, hoping to catch Will's eyes. On the afternoon of the third day, he came over to me and said he was planning on having dinner tonight, but his colleagues were either on duty or asleep at that time. So he was wondering whether I would care to join him. I said yes and from that day on we always had dinner together except when Will is away like now."

"That is really romantic", I sighed. "You knew from the very first moment that you wanted to be with Will ..."

"That is the amazing thing about love", Ada mused.

"It can hit you within seconds when you least expect it. Completely out of the blue. And then sometimes, you suddenly realise that a friend you had for years is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with."

"Yeah …"

I fell silent. Maybe Ada was right. I was not sure if I _loved_ Jack. That was a very strong word for a very strong feeling I had yet never experienced myself. This was not like in the love stories you could read in books. The only thing I knew was that I wanted to see him again.

And that was when I decided to go back to the port tomorrow, to see if Jack would be looking for me. I knew that it might be stupid. But I would regret it forever if I wouldn't at least try.

So, the next day I was sitting on the same bench as yesterday, nervous and trying to convince myself that this was a good idea. At least I had a book with me, not to let Jack think that I was only waiting for him to stop by.

"This is ridiculous!", I murmured.

"I am making a complete fool out of myself just for some handsome wireless operator who probably by now has forgotten all about me. What am I doing?!"

This was not like me. I was pragmatic and logical. Books were my field of expertise. I wasn't used to this …

"Are you waiting for me?"

The sound of his warm voice made my heart jump.

I looked up into a pair of blue eyes.

"Were you looking for me?", I asked back, teasing him.

Jack laughed.

"Well, it is nice to see you", he said, adding: "Without having you bump into me."

"You are funny", I replied sarcastically.

"I know."

Jack sat down beside me. I noticed that he wasn't wearing his uniform today but shirt and matching pants. He looked still handsome …

"You like to read", he noted, pointing to the book in my hands.

"This is a different book than you had with you yesterday."

"Well observed", I mocked him, letting Jack look at the cover.

"John Keats: Poems", he read out loud.

"So, you are a poet?", he asked, sounding interested.

"I try to", I replied, blushing slightly. "But I am not as good as Keats."

The only ones who got to read any of my poems or stories were Ada and Will. And I certainly had never told anyone like Jack about my dream of becoming a writer myself before.

But he just smiled. "I like Keats too", he said.

I raised an eyebrow. "You read poetry?", I asked, slightly surprised.

Jack chuckled.

"Believe me, if you are stuck for three years all by yourself at a wireless station, where all you can do is sleep or swim, you are happy for any piece of literature to keep you company. And I like to read too. I like Goethe, Shakespeare, Austen. The classics."

He grinned, as he saw the suspicious look on my face.

"You didn't expect that, did you?", he wanted to know, obviously highly amused.

"Not really", I admitted.

We fell silent. But it didn't feel uncomfortable. It was nice, sitting here beside Jack, looking at him, being near him …

"What are you looking at?", Jack pulled me back into reality. I suddenly realised that I had been staring right at him. I immediately looked away, praying he couldn't hear my heart beat.

"Nothing!"

But I think Jack knew perfectly well, who it was that I couldn't take my eyes off. But he was also nice enough not to tease me about it.

"And you live here?", he asked, questioning me again about my life.

I nodded.

"I live with my uncle and his wife in Southampton."

"What about your parents?", Jack wanted to know.

I paused for a second.

"They are dead", I answered shortly.

"Oh." Jack's smile vanished.

"I'm so sorry!", he said honestly.

"I had no idea that … Stupid me, why did I have to ask …"

"It's okay", I assured him. "You couldn't know."

I decided to change the subject.

"So, where do you come from?", I asked, curious to find out more about Jack.

"I live in Surrey", he answered.

"In Godalming to be exact. My parents run a store there."

"Wow", I couldn't help but be impressed.

"And you came to Southampton to work as a wireless operator."

Jack nodded.

"That's a long way", I said thoughtfully.

"It helps me to see more of the world", Jack replied.

"That is one of the things I like about being a wireless operator."

"That sounds great", I agreed. I had so far travelled through Britain and once I had been to Belfast and Dublin, but never farer than that.

"So, your uncle is a sailor?", Jack asked me next.

"How do you know that?", I said, surprised.

"Because you come here to the port every day", Jack answered.

"No one does that who isn't waiting for someone."

"I like to sit here and read", I explained.

"But yes, my uncle is a ship officer on the Olympic."

"Than he must be good", Jack said.

"He is."

I had to laugh.

"Why are you asking me all this questions?", I wanted to know.

A smile crossed Jack's handsome face.

"Because I want to know everything about you", he answered, his blue eyes shortly meeting mine.

I turned red.

"That is because you just met me. I am really not that interesting", I said self-consciously.

"I think you are", Jack replied.

"Or am I bothering you?" He sounded serious.

I shook my head.

"No", I answered truthfully.

"But then you have to tell me more about yourself too."

Jack was silent for a minute.

"Okay", he finally said.

"If you go to dinner with me tonight."

I thought my heart must have stopped beating.

"Excuse me?!"

"If you want to", Jack added quickly.

I must have looked completely bewildered. I had thought about this, but now … I barely knew Jack. He was completely unlike me. Direct, open, loud … and unbelievably charming and interesting. I only knew him for maybe ten minutes and I could talk to him as if we would have known each other since the beginning of time. I had never experienced anything like it …

"You can just say no", Jack misinterpreted my silence.

"No!", I replied quickly.

He looked at me, slightly hurt.

I corrected myself.

"I mean, I would love to go out with you."

I smiled shily.

A sparkle in his blue eyes …

"Okay!", Jack said, his eyes shining like little lights.

"I will pick you up at your house at seven."

"Great!"

Feeling as in a dream I gave him my address.

Two days …

Two meetings …

That was all it took to make Jack Phillips become a part of my life. The most important, the vital part … This was how our story begun.

Of course, I still had to tell Ada. For once I was glad that Will wasn't here. I knew that Ada would be more understanding than him. If it would be for Will, I would still be the little girl he used to read stories to and built ship models for. And he had promised my father on his deathbed that he would take care of me.

But now I was nineteen and no child anymore. I could make my own decisions. And right now, I was trying to decide on what to wear for tonight.

I had never been on a date before. Not like this. For the last year I had been seeing George Thomas, the older brother of one of Ada's students, if you could call it that. We went out a few times but he was more boring than a sleeping pill. Nothing like Jack.

He talked about nothing but his father's business, he would own one day and finding a suitable wife with whom he wanted to have two sons and one daughter. When he started to talk about marriage, I told him that I'd rather stay just friends. I think that was the last time I had seen George Thomas.

But now I would go out with Jack Phillips. And that was a complete different story. I felt so scared and so excited that I could barely eat something when I was sitting with Ada at lunch. Of course, she noticed.

"Who is it?", she demanded to know.

"Who?", I decided to play dumb.

But Ada was not one to be fooled easily.

"Yesterday you ask me about how I met Will and now you're not eating. So, I want to know who is the reason for this?"

I sighed, taking a deep breath.

"His name his Jack Phillips", I said truthfully. And I told her everything.

"And you are sure you want to do this?", Ada asked me after I had finished my story, not sounding very convinced.

"He seems like a guy who likes to break the hearts of innocent girls to me."

I shook my head.

"No, Jack is not like that!", I assured her.

"But you only just met him!", Ada reminded me.

"I know, but he's different … Jack is a decent person", I defended him.

Ada looked at me shortly.

"You really like him." That was a statement, not a question.

"I do …"

Ada sighed.

"Alright", she finally said.

"But do be careful!"

I hugged her.

"Thank you Ada!", I said happily. "And I will, I promise."

The rest of the day I spent with trying to find the perfect dress. In the end I chose a nice blue and white dress, as Ada mentioned this matched the colour of my eyes.

I had never thought of myself as pretty.

I was small, with dark blond hair and grey blue eyes. Nothing special. I still thought it strange that someone like Jack would feel interested in someone like me. I was sure that he could have gone out with girls that were far more beautiful, more exciting and more experienced than me. I wasn't exactly the type of girl that someone as reckless and carefree as Jack would normally like. What if he got bored?

But I still had to try.

It was seven, when the bell rang. Betty, our maid, opened the door. I could hear Jack's voice asking for me downstairs.

"Thank you, Betty, it's okay", I laughed.

I went downstairs. Jack's eyes followed me.

"Hey", he said and smiled. "You look pretty."

"Thanks", I said self-consciously.

Jack must have been nervous too, but he didn't let it show.

"Are you ready?", he asked me, his hand reaching out to me.

That was when I knew everything was going to be fine.

"I am ", I said, putting my hand into his.

Under Ada's watchful eyes we left the house.

We walked in silence, as Jack led me to a small, cosy looking restaurant.

"I hope you'll like it", he told me.

"I haven't been here in a long time but a friend of mine once mentioned it was good."

"The same friend you met yesterday?", I asked.

Jack chuckled.

"No, another friend", he answered.

"Harold Bride. You would like him", he added.

"He reminds me of you."

I had to laugh.

"And how is that?"

"Because he also always carries a book with him", Jack replied teasingly.

"And I met him yesterday for the first time just like you."

I grinned slyly.

"But I am sure he didn't run into you."

Laughing, Jack shook his head.

"No, he didn't"

We sat down.

"So", I said, slowly starting to get braver.

"I have told you so much about me, now it is your turn."

Jack looked up from his menu, smiling.

"What do you want to know?", he asked.

"For example since when are you a wireless operator?"

Jack thought for a moment.

"I was nineteen when I started my training", he told me. "So five years ago."

"It must be fascinating to be a wireless operator", I mused.

"It is!", Jack nodded, enthusiasm in his voice.

"It was always my dream to become one", he went on. "It can be tiring and boring if you are stuck on the mainland, but apart from that it's great! Everyday is something different, you never know what's going to happen and you can be inventive."

Clearly, he liked his job.

"But it is also very dangerous", I said thoughtfully.

"You are the one who has to stay when the ship sinks and send distress calls."

"That is my job", Jack simply replied.

"Who else would call for help when I leave? It is part of my duty, I cannot not do that. Besides, emergencies hardly ever happen. The only thing you have to look out for are icebergs. Which is what I do."

I smiled.

"I would like to see you at work", I said.

Jack shortly touched my hand.

"That would be nice."

While we were eating, Jack asked me about my family.

"My mother died shortly after my birth", I told him. "When I was fourteen my father became ill. He had never been in great health but normally he always recovered again. This time he didn't. He died the same year. That was when I moved to Southampton."

"It must have been hard", Jack said sympathetically.

"I still have my family", I replied. "My uncle, my aunt …"

"It's good to have a family", Jack agreed. He had twin sisters, Elsie and Ethel, who were thirteen years older than him.

"And parents who try to play matchmaker", he grumbled.

I laughed.

"What?"

Jack nodded. "They try to set me up with Kathleen Rex, a daughter of their friends."

I stopped laughing immediately.

"I don't even like her", Jack explained. "I barely know her. I don't have the slightest intention of ever marrying her, but my parents don't seem to listen."

He noticed my silence.

"Did I say something wrong?", he asked, guessing the reason for my sudden graveness.

"I said I am not interested in Kathleen Rex", he repeated softly.

"She is not my type."

"And why is that?", I asked weakly.

Jack grinned.

"Because I would never marry someone I don't love. And … she is not the cute blond, sitting in front of me."

I couldn't help it: I had to smile.

"Good to know ..."

Jack put down his fork, trying to change the subject.

"But now tell me", he said, "What are you doing when you are not writing poetry?"

"I'm teaching English", I answered.

"But that is not what you want to do", Jack remarked.

"No", I admitted. I wanted to be a writer.

"But it's … complicated", I said slowly.

"You have to keep trying", Jack replied.

"Life is so short and you don't get a second chance. You have to follow your dreams while you can."

I laughed.

"Brutal but true."

Talking to Jack was so easy. Like breathing. It felt completely natural to sit here, to be with him. As if it couldn't be otherwise. We spent the whole evening just talking. I enjoyed his company so much that I barely noticed how late it was.

Only when I looked outside the window I saw that it was dark and night.

"We probably should get back", Jack said.

I nodded and laughed. "I am sure my aunt is still waiting for me."

Jack laughed as he took my hand.

Together we walked back to my house.

"Have you been on many ships so far?", I asked him, leaning my head against his shoulder.

Jack smiled, kissing me on my head.

"A few", he answered.

"I've been on the Campania, the Corsican, the Victorian, the Pretorian, the Lusitania and the Mauretania."

"Wow", I said, impressed.

I looked up to him. "You have seen much for your age …"

"I enjoy life", Jack replied seriously.

"You never know when it's over."

Gently he brushed a strand of my hair out of my face.

"I love your hair."

I nudged him affectionately.

"Why do you think I don't wear hats anymore?"

In the dark I saw something flicker in Jack's eyes.

We had arrived at my house.

"I guess this is the moment where we say goodbye", Jack said softly.

"Seems so …"

I smiled, trying to hide my nervousness and my shaking hands.

"I had a great time tonight", I told him.

"Me too …"

Jack was standing right in front of me.

But I didn't notice how close he was, until he was slowly pulling me closer by my hands he was still holding.

Before my head had time to realise what was happening, I felt Jack's face drawing nearer.

Next second his lips were on mine.

I had dreamed about my first kiss. I had dreamed about how it would be to kiss my first love. But this was nothing like anything I could have ever imagined.

A rush that I have no words to describe surged through me, filling every inch of my body. The feeling of Jack's lips on mine, his hands, his scent …

My knees went weak, as Jack put his arms around me, bringing our bodies closer together, one of his hands wandering through my hair, holding me.

He smiled against my lips.

"Who would have thought?", he whispered. "What can bump into you these days …"

My giggle was muffled by Jack's kiss.

I put my hands around his neck, my fingertips touching his hair. I had to stand on my toes to kiss him, but I couldn't have cared less.

Now I knew what Ada meant … This was how being in love felt …

Finally we had to part for air.

I grinned.

"So, should I ask you where you learned to kiss like that?", I wanted to now.

Jack chuckled.

"A gentleman never reveals his secrets!", he told me.

"Of course …"

Jack gently touched my cheek.

"Will you meet me tomorrow for lunch, June?"

I kissed him lovingly on his lips.

"I'm counting the minutes …"

When I went into the house, I still had the taste of Jack's lips on mine. I was glad that Ada was asleep so that I could dream about the next day when I would see Jack again …

It still felt so unreal. As in a dream. Everything had happened so fast …

I couldn't wait to be with Jack.

At breakfast Ada kep eyeing me suspiciously, but she didn't mention anything. All she did was asking me if I had fun the last night.

"Yes …", I answered, hiding my smile behing my tea cup.

At noon Jack came to pick me up.

"I had no idea you had a maid", he said, as Betty closed the door when we left the house.

"All I have at home is a dog, whom I taught how to open a door."

I laughed.

"That sounds cute!"

"Especially if he opens the door to the pantry", Jack joked.

We spent the whole afternoon together. I had only met him three days ago, but it already felt hard to imagine being without Jack. He made me laugh, he was smart … Jack was everything I never knew I wanted. And he was honest.

Like when he had told me about Kathleen Rex. No, I hadn't forgotten her. But I also knew that Jack had told me the truth, when he said that he would never marry someone just because his parents told him to.

And right now, the only thing that mattered was that he was here with me and no one else. When I was with Jack I felt so light. As if I could do everything I wanted. He was so completely different from anyone I had ever met before.

And Jack seemed to feel the same way too.

When he kissed me goodbye that day it was with the promise that we would see each other again tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

I felt the butterflies doing sommersaults in my stomach at this thought.

"I will be meeting some friends tomorrow", Jack told me.

"You could come with us. I would like to introduce you to them."

"That sounds nice", I smiled, as I stepped on my toes to kiss him.

We arranged to meet at our bench at the port.

But when I arrived there the next day, somebody else was already sitting on it. A boy, approximately my age.

I eyed him curiously.

He was small, not much taller than me and very pale which made him look peaky. He had hazel brown hair and eyes, with a silver gleam in them. I noticed his long and slender hands that were holding a book he was reading.

After hesitating for a second I sat down beside him.

He looked at me.

A few seconds passed.

For some stupid reason, I started to feel self-conscious.

"Good afternoon", he finally said.

A soft and mellow voice. The voice of a shy person.

"Hello", I replied politely.

"I'm … I'm waiting for someone", the boy added, gesturing him sitting next to me as if this would explain everything.

I nodded.

"Me too", I said.

An uncomfortable silence followed, none of us sure if we should say something or not.

I was relieved, when I saw Jack coming up to us.

"Hey", I said happily, as I stood up.

Jack kissed me sweetly on the lips.

"Hey you", he smiled, our hands intertwined.

How I loved being with him …

Finally, Jack noticed the boy sitting on the bench. He laughed.

"Already here, Bride?", he asked.

I watched surprised, as the boy, who had until now hidden his face in his book, got up and walked over to us.

"I just like to be punctual", he said, smiling shily.

"That is good", Jack replied, putting his arm around me.

"Because now I can introduce you to my June."

He looked to me.

"June Murdoch, this is Harold Bride", he introduced his friend.

"Oh." I slowly started to understand.

"You are the wireless operator Jack met on the same day as me", I realised.

Bride nodded.

"That would be me", he joked, shaking my hand. For someone so frail and fragile looking, he seemed to have a firm grip.

"It is nice to meet you", he said politely.

"It's nice to meet Jack's friends", I replied friendly.

"Well, that's typical", I heard a voice suddenly behind Jack and me.

"I am working while you two are talking with cute girls."

Bride chuckled, Jack rolled his eyes as he turned around to another boy in his late teens, with dark blond hair and blue eyes.

"Cottam", Jack called him.

"You are late, as usual."

"I was working!", Cottam defended himself.

"I am here now."

He shook my hand.

"And you must be June Murdoch", he assumed.

"You have told them about me?", I asked Jack teasingly.

Cottam grinned.

"Yes, he did …"

Did Jack blush at that?

"Let's go", he said, trying to silence his friends.

I giggled.

I immediately liked Harold Bride and Harold Cottam. They made me laugh and obviously were eager to get to know me. As Cottam told me it wasn't usual for Jack to spend so much time with just one and the same girl. I wasn't sure what to think about that.

Bride invited us to his apartment he had rented after he had moved to Southampton. He barely spoke a word, sitting most of the time just silently next to Jack and Cottam, who did most of the talking, telling jokes and stories about the different ships they had been on so far.

Later, Jack and Cottam went into the kitchen to get us something to drink, leaving Bride and me in the living room. Awkwardly, I tried to politely start a conversation.

"You have so many books", I said, looking at the huge shelves filled with books.

"Yes", Bride answered and added: "I like to read."

"Me too", I nodded, glad to have find a topic to talk about.

Bride smiled.

"Yes, Jack mentioned something like that …"

This seemed to have broken the ice. I quickly discovered that Bride was (like me) one of those people, who needed some time to open up to others. But once he did, I noticed how witty and smart Bride was. He was a great observer and shared the same sharp sense of humour with Jack. Now it also became clear to me why they were such great friends. At first, Jack and Bride did not seem to have much in common: Jack was loud and rude, he smoke and drank while Bride was shy and withdrawn. But this was just on the outside. They were like brothers and while Bride in Jack's presence became livelier and more outspoken, I could imagine that his calm and thoughtful character kept Jack on the ground. I could see why he liked Bride.

Later, Jack walked me back home.

We were holding hands, my head leaning against his shoulder.

"What are you thinking about?", he wanted to know, gently kissing me on my head.

I looked up into his blue eyes.

"That I am really glad to have bumped into you", I answered simply.

Jack's eyes sparkled as he lovingly put his hand under my chin to kiss me on the lips.

"Me too", he replied, grinning mischievously.

"Because otherwise I wouldn't be able to do this."

He kissed me again.

I had to laugh.

"Yes, that would be sad", I teased him.

We kissed goodbye on my doorstep.

The next week even now still seems like a dream to me. Jack and I were inseparable. We spent every possible minute together. I loved Jack and enjoyed it so much to get to know him better day by day. For example to find out that Jack had a heart for animals, especially dogs and horses. Or that he tried to train the use of his left hand when he was shaving (which of course showed exactly where it should not be visible, on the face).

Jack belonged to my life now. And I didn't want to be without him ever again.

Naturally, I couldn't hide my feelings from Ada. I could tell that she was worried he might break my heart, although she didn't mention anything to me. She had never seen my like this, infatuated with a handsome, dangerously charming wirless operator. But she also knew what it was like to be in love, so she let me spend my time with Jack.

The week went by faster than I wanted and with it Jack's last day in Southampton came nearer. Soon, he would be gone for two weeks. I hated that thought!

And there was still this uncertainty. With Jack everything was so new and different, I felt as if in a daze. I lived from every moment with Jack to the next. I never wasted a thought about the future. Especially, when Jack wasn't going to be in it. But he would leave soon on the Adriatic. Would he come back to me? Would his feelings remain the same? Or would he grow tired of me? I wasn't used to this … Not to know what to do.

In the meantime, Will had come back from New York. I was happy to see him again, but I was also anxious because I knew Ada would tell him about Jack. Fortunately she understood.

"He's a good boy", she assured Will.

He just looked at me.

"And he treats you well?", he wanted to know.

I nodded.

"He is perfect", I told him.

"I just want to know if you're happy", Will replied seriously.

"I am", I answered truthfully.

"I really am …"

Will sighed.

"Well that's all I want", he finally said.

"But I want to meet him!", he added.

I promised him that he would. Of course, if Jack would return to me …

Will and Ada decided to travel to Dalbeattie to visit my grandparents. I would stay at home to be with Jack before he had to start his work on the Adriatic.

I wanted to talk to him, to tell him about my worries. But I didn't know how. What should I say to him? Ask him if our love at first sight was more than just a passing ship? I felt so stupid.

In the end I got so nervous that I couldn't even show my excitement, when Jack picked me up for dinner on our last day together and greeted me with a red rose.

"So you'll think about me when I'm gone", he joked. I just smiled.

Of course Jack noted my distracted behaviour.

"You haven't said a word the whole night", he said when we were sitting at dinner. His blue eyes searched mine.

"Is everything alright?"

I sighed.

"Just one week and you already know me too well", I smiled weakly.

I decided to be honest.

"I just don't know what to think right now", I admitted.

"This last week was … so intense. Great but intense. I feel confused because I cannot say what will happen next."

I paused for a second.

"With you it's –"

"Wait", Jack interrupted me. "Are you thinking I'm going to leave you tomorrow?"

It was a sign of the connection we shared that he seemed to be able to read my mind.

"I don't know", I finally said, my voice suddenly very small.

A smile crossed Jack's handsome face. Nobody could smile like Jack …

"I know I am not the most reliable person", he started softly.

"My mother always used to say that I have the attention span of a fly and can't stay still for one second."

He gently put his hand on mine.

"I told you once that I hadn't expected to meet you", he reminded me.

"But now that I have, I don't want to be without you again."

He fell silent.

"Except if you would want me to go."

At this I lovingly squeezed his hand.

"I wouldn't wait for that", I warned him.

Jack just chuckled.

It was a beautiful evening.

We walked back to my house holding hands, me leaning against him. I wanted to be as close as possible to Jack, now that we had to part for two weeks.

"If you could travel, where would you want to go?", Jack asked me.

"To Greece", I answered immediately.

"I would go to Cape Sounion and watch the sunset, like Lord Byron."

"Sounds romantic", Jack noted slyly.

"It is …"

"I was once in Greece", Jack told me.

"In Athens. It was great."

"Wow." I was impressed.

"Maybe I should become a wireless operator too", I thought out loud.

"Then I would get to see those places too."

"Or", Jack said, putting an arm around me, bringing me closer to him.

"We could go to Greece together and you could show me Cape Sounion."

Our lips met in a kiss. A gentle, irresistible kiss …

"I would like that …", I whispered.

We were standing now in front of my door. The time to say goodbye had come, but I didn't want Jack to leave. Not now …

"Do you want to come in?"

My heart seemed to be faster than my brain.

"Yes", Jack answered.

So I opened the door, walking in beside Jack.

The first thing he noticed were the numerous ship models that Ada had put in the living room so she could look at them when she was sitting on the couch.

"Will always used to built one of these ships for my birthdays when I was a child", I told Jack. He chuckled.

"Cute."

I gave him a tour through the whole house. I liked, having him here …

Finally, there was only one room left.

"My bedroom." My voice was suddenly very small .

"Oh", Jack said, a mischievous grin on his face.

"That sounds interesting …"

He walked in.

"It looks like you", he commented as he looked at the books and the lamps that filled my room.

"Especially this cute fellow here."

He picked up my teddy bear that was lying on my bed.

I blushed.

"That is Bear", I explained.

"It was a gift from my Dad when I was still a baby."

"You miss him."

That was a statement not a question.

"Sometimes …"

Suddenly Jack was standing right before me. I hadn't noticed how close he was … And how tall.

"The ones we love never really leave us", he said softly.

"I don't believe that …"

I seemed to drown in his blue eyes.

"Jack …"

"Ssshh …"

Gently, carefully as if I would be a fragile porcelain doll, he cupped my face in his hands. I felt my knees go weak. Our faces draw nearer.

Never had I been kissed like this before …

I put my arms around Jack's neck, taking in his scent, enjoying the closeness to him.

Slowly, very slowly we parted for air.

Jack's eyes were locked to mine.

"I love you, June", he whispered.

"I fell in love with you the moment I first saw you …"

I smiled, as I let my hands run through his hair.

"I love you too", I said affectionately.

That was the first time I ever said that to anyone.

Jack pulled me closer.

"But there is one thing you have to promise me", he said, touching my cheek.

"Never bump into someone else than me."

I giggled.

"As if I would ever want to."

Jack caressed my cheek, making me shiver.

I looked up into his face.

"I feel as if I would be dreaming …", I whispered.

I felt Jack's lips on mine.

"Then it is a good dream …"

It didn't matter that we just met. It didn't matter that we were young and that Jack would have to leave the next morning. This night it was just Jack and me …

Later I was lying in Jack's arms. It was completely silent the only thing that I could hear was the sound of Jack's calm breathing. He was fast asleep.

"When you are the only wireless operator on a ship you learn to use every second of sleep that you get", he had once told me.

I kissed him softly on his hair. Jack had changed my life. Never would I want to be with someone else ever again …

When I woke up the next morning, Jack was already awake, stroking my arm.

"Good morning", he said, kissing me on my nose.

I smiled.

"Morning."

I looked up to him.

"How long have you been awake?", I wanted to know.

Jack grinned.

"Long enough to see that you are drooling in your sleep", he teased me.

I nudged him playfully.

"Very funny!"

Jack pointed to the book, lying on my bedside table.

"Are you still reading Keats' poems?", he asked, surprised.

"John Keats is my favourite poet", I explained.

I leaned over Jack to grab the book.

"His poems have so much feeling and love … And he was just 24!", I said thoughtfully.

"I wish I could be as good as him."

"He also died with 25", Jack mentioned.

"I am glad that you are not John Keats."

I chuckled as I opened the book.

"And nobody writes love letters as he did", I said, skimming through the pages.

"Here, that is my favourite … A letter, he wrote for Fanny Brawne, his great love."

I read it out loud as Jack put his arms around me.

"_I almost wish were butterflies and liv'd but three summer days. Three such days with you I could fill with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain ..."_

Jack burried his face against my arm.

"It's beautiful."

I looked into his blue eyes.

"I never really understood its meaning", I said slowly.

"Until now."

Jack's response was a soft and tender kiss.

Time, although it seemed to me like it when I was with Jack, didn't stand still. He had to get dressed and leave.

"Two weeks …", I sighed as I walked him to the door.

"I'll write to you as soon as possible", Jack promised.

He put his hand under my chin to look me in the eyes.

"Just don't forget me", he said jokingly.

"Because I will come back."

I stood on my toes to kiss him goodbye.

"And I will be waiting for you."

I watched Jack as he walked down the street. When he disappeared around the corner I knew that I had found, what I had been looking for all my life. The man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life, eternity with …

Over the next days I occupied myself with writing and reading. But I still missed Jack. He was always in my thought, always with me, like my heart.

And he kept his promise.

"There is a letter for you", Ada told me, a few days after Jack had left.

"From a John G. Phillips."

I felt my heart skip a beat.

"That is Jack!", I said, unable to hide my excitement.

Ada giggled as she gave me the letter.

With shaking hands I started to read.

"My June", Jack wrote,

"I am writing now to you in what must be my first five minute break since we left Southampton. If you want to know what I had been doing the last few days, I just say one thing: work. Even now my hand is still moving rhythmically as if I would be typing messages. And I am thinking about you. It is strange. Although you are miles away, you seem to be so near … I feel as if I could reach out my hand and touch your face. I can almost hear your voice. But then I realise that this is just a dream and I miss you! I want to see you, hold you, see your beautiful smile. I love you June (yes, believe it!) and I am counting the seconds till I can hold you in my arms again.

Yours forever

Jack

Smiling, I put the letter down, sitting there and just happy to have a wonderful boyfriend.

Of course, the next thing I did was to write back.

And so the next days passed. Jack and I kept sending letters to each other, trying to cross the distance between us with words. I kept waiting for the moment until I would see Jack again.

Two weeks later I was at the port, nervously looking for Jack.

And there he was! My heart jumped in my chest. I had forgotten how handsome he was. And tall!

"Jack!"

Ignoring the people around us I ran to him.

Something lightened up in Jack's eyes. He caught me in his arms and spun me around. For a few seconds, none of us spoke a word, we just laughed.

Finally, Jack put me down again.

"Let me look at you", he said, walking around me.

"Yes, you are just as pretty as you used to be. Only a bit older."

"And you look almost like a grown-up man", I replied sarcastically.

Jack chuckled as he pulled me closer to him.

I sighed happily, resting my head on his chest.

"You are not a dream?", I asked, wanting to make sure.

"If I would be", Jack answered,

"Could I do this?"

He kissed me sweetly on the lips.

I had to smile.

"I guess not …"

I noticed a few people staring at us. I remembered that we weren't alone.

Jack gently brushed a strand of my hair out of my face.

"Come on", he said.

"Let's go!"

Jack had rented an apartment for the next week so that we could be together away from the prying eyes of Ada and Will. Then he would travel back to Goldalming to see his family. So that meant we would have to make the best of the time we had.

"I was wondering about something"

Jack and I were lying in bed in his hotel room, my head resting on his chest.

"What?", he asked.

I looked up into his eyes.

"What does the G in your name stand for?", I wanted to know.

Jack chuckled.

"George, the G stands for George", he answered.

"My full name is John George Phillips. John after my grandfather, George after my father"

I thought about that for a while.

"I like that", I finally said.

"It's a nice name."

Jack smiled against my lips.

"I should go now", I whispered.

"Otherwise Will and Ada will wonder where I am. I told them that I would pick you up but I don't think they would expect me to be away for that long."

Not to mention what would happen if they ever found out what we were doing here.

"If my aunt and my uncle would know what we are up to, they would lock me in the highest room in the highest tower and throw away the key", I told Jack.

He sighed as he let me go.

"I can't believe that you will be leaving again next week", I said. Now that Jack was back, I didn't want him to go.

"I have to see my parents", Jack replied, leaning his head against my shoulder.

"I have to tell them about you."

He chuckled.

"They are extremely curious to hear more about the girl I've been writing about in my letters to them. They are not used to hear me talking about one specific girl."

"I can imagine that", I teased him.

Jack nudged me playfully.

"Very funny!"

I couldn't help it: I had to kiss him again.

I didn't care what Ada or Will, or Jack's parents might think about our relationship. I didn't care that we might be going way too fast or that we might be too young.

As long as I could be with Jack, I didn't care about anything else.

The next week Jack and I spent every second possible together. Sometimes, Bride was with us or we were at his apartment. Jack had told me that he had just moved to Southampton and didn't know anyone beside us and Cottam. I could imagine that he felt lonely from time to time.

"You just have started to work as a wireless operator?", I asked Bride one day, curious to find out more about Jack's reclusive best friend.

He nodded. "I wanted to start training right after school", he told me,

"But my parents couldn't afford it at the time so I had to work in my family's business to help pay for it."

He chuckled.

"That is how I met Cottam", he continued.

"He helped me to do everything I needed to finish training. It was also Cottam who introduced me to Phillips."

I had to smile.

"On the same day that I met him."

Bride nodded.

"Bride likes you", Jack mentioned later as he was walking me home. He seemed pleased with the fact that his girlfriend and his best friend got along so well.

"I like him too", I replied. And it was true: Even though Bride barely spoke a word to me directly and seemed silent and thoughtfull, I could tell that there was more to Harold Bride than he let on. I had seen him with Jack and Cottam and knew that Bride could be just as loud and rude as them if he wanted to.

I leaned my head against Jack's shoulder.

"Do you really have to leave tomorrow?", I asked, hoping to make him stay.

Jack kissed me on my nose.

"I have promised my mother", he said.

"But we will see each other before I leave again on the Adriatic."

I smiled sadly.

"That is how it is going to be, isn't it?", I asked softly.

"You leave for work and come back for one week." I had never really understood Ada and her sadness when Will was away. Now I could understand her only too well.

Jack gently held up my chin, so that he could look me in the eyes.

"I'll always come back", he reminded me seriously.

I kissed him.

"I know", I replied.

"And I will be waiting for you. I love you too much for anything else."

Jack laughed, as he slowly pulled my closer.

"You don't know how glad I am for this …", he murmured into my hair.

There was nothing left to say.

I watched Jack leave, this time by train that would take him to Godalming. What would his parents say about me? Jack mentioned that he had told them about me, but …

I remembered Jack's meeting with Will. Ada was there, so Will had promised not to be overprotective and remainded polite when I introduced Jack to him. I could tell that Will was worried, but like Ada, he knew that I liked Jack, so he didn't say anything. He would have never forbidden me to be with the man I loved.

The next two weeks were like a blur. Whenever Jack was away I felt as if I couldn't focus correctly. As if time would have ceased to exist. When I look back now, I have no memory of that time that wasn't with Jack in it. As if a part would of me wouldn't have thought a memory without him not important enough to be remembered.

For example I can still remember the day we spent together after Jack returned from his visit to his family. We were lying in bed in Jack's apartment. Outside, I could see the sunset. It was late …

"What are you thinking?", I asked Jack. He was lying next to me, his head resting against my shoulder. He was silent, but I knew he wasn't asleep.

"Right now?", he answered and burried his face in my hair.

"Right now I am wondering what kind of shampoo you are using to get such beautiful hair."

"Very funny!", I replied sarcastically and threw my pillow against him. Jack laughed mischievously. But I knew that he was just trying to cheer me up. To make the time apart easier for me … When he would leave again … tomorrow. I noticed the jacket of his uniform, lying on a chair. Feeling horrible, I got up and walked to the window.

"What is wrong?", Jack asked, confused.

I swallowed.

"I don't want you to go", I whispered.

I could see Jack smile.

"June …"

He walked over to me, putting his arms around from behind. The feeling of him, so close to me, his lips on my shoulder as he kissed me lovingly, his sweet scent … Never will I forget this moment.

"Close your eyes", Jack whispered. I did.

"I have to leave tomorrow", he said softly.

"But I will always be with you. I will never be too far from you. Just close your eyes and think of me. As long as you don't forget me, a part of us will be together …"

I smiled as I turned to face him.

"I will always remember", I said.

"There is nothing that could make me forget you."

The next day I was sitting at our bench at the port, watching the different ships, thinking about Jack. And I knew that I had found the One. The man, my prince that I had been looking for all my life. And even though I was still scared that Jack might some day have enough of me, I knew that he loved me too. And I never wanted anything to change …


	4. Chapter 4

With Jack gone, I had now way too much time to myself. Will also was working again on the Olympic, which meant there was now just Ada and me with Bettie.

I missed Jack. One evening, when the longing was too painful, I went outside for a walk. Somehow, I ended up at the port, at the bench where I had first met him. I sat down, lost in toughts. Jack …

"Hey."

A soft and gentle voice came up behind me.

I turned around.

"Bride!", I said surprised, as I recognised the familiar face in the dark.

He seemed just as confused as I was. He looked as if he was about to turn around. But then he stayed.

"What are you doing here?", he asked.

"I just went out for a breath of fresh air", I replied.

I noticed that Bride was wearing his uniform.

"You were here for work?", I asked him.

Bride nodded.

Then we went silent for a few seconds. Neither of us seemed to know what to say.

Finally, it was me who broke the ice.

"Do you want to sit down?", I invited Bride, gesturing to the space beside me. Bride thought for a second.

"Sure", he finally said, sitting down beside me.

"You often come here, don't you?", he then said to my great surprise.

"You were here the first time we met."

I wouldn't have thought he would remember.

"Yes, I am", I replied. I told Bride I came here to think.

Bride smiled at that, but it was a sad smile.

"It does look like a good place to think", he agreed.

The moonlight reflected in the silver of his eyes. He looked tired … unhappy … lonely.

"Is everything alright?", I heard myself ask.

Brided nodded quickly.

"I'm fine", he assured me.

"It's just that I am not quite used to live all on my own", he then continued. "I have three sisters, I am used to always have someone around me."

"That must be hard", I agreed sympathetically. "But you have Jack and Cottam", I tried to cheer him up.

"Yes", Bride smiled. "I have …"

"Maybe you should find yourself a girl", I teased him, grinning as I watched him blush. Jack was starting to rub off on me …

Bride fell silent for a second.

"I already have a girlfriend", he finally said.

"Really?" I was surprised. Neither Jack, nor Cottam, nor Bride until now had ever mentioned anything about him having a relationship.

"Who is she?", I asked curiously. "Does she live here in Southampton? Maybe I know her!"

Bride smiled shortly, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"No, no she doesn't live here", he replied.

"Her name is Mabel Ludlow, we know each other from Bromley. We practically grew up together", he told me.

"That sounds nice", I said.

"She wants me to marry her."

Bride's shy voice broke the silence. For some reason, I had the feeling that he had long wanted to talk about this to someone. And that he didn't look like a happy groom-to-be.

"But you don't want to marry her", I said softly, guessing the reason why Bride was looking so exhausted.

He put a hand to his face.

"I've tried to break up with her", he told me, avoiding my eyes.

"But … for Mabel, we are the perfect couple. She thinks it's natural that I will marry her."

He paused. I didn't know what to say.

"Maybe I should be grateful for having someone like her", Bride thought out loud.

"Why?", I allowed myself to ask.

"Well, I doubt that I will meet another girl who would want to marry me", Bride replied.

Another thing we obviously had in common: Low self-esteem.

I smiled as I shook my head.

"That is stupid", I said simply.

Bride looked at me gratefully.

"You think so?"

"I know."

Then silence fell between us. I could guess that Bride felt embarrassed by everything he had just told me. He wasn't much of a talker and now he had spoken to me when he had barely talked to me at all so far.

"I am sorry", he said, looking self-consciously. "I really didn't want to bother you with my problems."

He was about to get up. "Maybe I should go."

"No!"

Before I knew what I was doing, I was grabbing his hand.

"Don't go", I said. "Stay."

Bride looked at me, puzzled.

He didn't answer, but then I saw his face light up into the first real smile that I had seen on him in weeks. For some stupid reason I blushed.

"Good", he replied and sat back down.

We talked the whole evening. About everything: Our families, what had happened in our lifes so far, which books we liked, which books we didn't like … I never had someone I could talk to about things before. Especially not someone who shared the same interests as me.

"Thank you", I said, when we were standing at my door. Bride had walked me home. "It was a nice evening."

Bride nodded. "Yes, it was."

When I turned around to go into the house I didn't notice that Bride was still standing there, looking at me.

The days went by. Will, who had spent the last three weeks with us at home, had to leave again. As usual he left on early morning. I was still asleep. Now that Jack was gone, I didn't mind sleeping long. I hoped that my dreams would make the time pass easier until Jack would come back.

When I came down for breakfast, I saw Ada sitting at on the chair at the kitchen desk. Just one look at her face and I knew that something was wrong.

Ada seemed, as if she was in shock.

"What happened?", I asked, ignoring the bad feeling rising inside of me.

It took some time until she answered.

She was holding up a letter.

"There was an accident", she said with hollow voice.

"The Olympic collided with the M.S Hawke."

Something cold took hold of my chest.

"Will?", I managed to ask.

Finally, Ada looked up.

"He is fine", she replied.

Relief, warm relief flowed through me.

"But this is good!", I said. "Will is okay."

Ada sighed.

"He could have been hurt!", she told me. "He could have gotten injured, he could have –"

She broke off, unable to say the word "died".

Not knowing what to say to that, I just sat down beside her and rested my head on her shoulder to comfort her.

Yes, Will was fine and as there was to be a trial and the damages of the Olympic had to be repaired, he would stay off of ships for at least the next few weeks.

And Jack would come back! I waited for him at the train station. The first thing I noticed was that he looked different. Exhausted. His blue eyes looked tired.

"Are you okay?", I asked him, sounding worried.

He smiled weakly.

"Yes, yes I'm fine", he assured me. "Just tired."

After he had just spent the last two weeks with his family? For some reason I started to feel that there was more to this than he would say. But as he didn't seem to want to talk more about it, I decided to drop the matter.

When we arrived at his hotelroom, Jack just let himself fall on the bed and started to snore lightly. I couldn't help but be fascinated. How could one person fall asleep so fast?

It was fun looking at Jack while he was sleeping. He looked so calm and peaceful … like a baby.

Maybe I was freaking out about nothing. Just because Jack was for once not bubbly and vivacious, I was starting to worry that something might be wrong. It was stupid … I decided to let it go.

And now that Jack was asleep, I had to wait until he would wake up. I lay next to him, noticing a letter looking out from the pocket of his jacket. I didn't know that Jack got letters from someone …

"You are being stupid!", I scolded myself. It was still morning, Jack was tired and I was thinking way too much about stupid things … I closed my eyes, concentrating on Jack beside me. Next thing I knew it was afternoon.

"I am sorry", Jack said to me, when we were going for a walk a bit later. "I certainly did not want to waste the only day we have together sleeping."

"It's okay!", I assured him.

Now that he had slept, Jack was his old, charming self again, treating me like a princess to make up for his earlier lack of attention. We had a great day: We went out for tea, walked along the piers at the port and simply enjoyed being together. Everything was perfect. I completely forgot about the letter or the raeson for Jack's exhaustion. We were planning to have dinner tonight.

"I just have to go get changed and tell Ada where we'll go", I told Jack. He kissed me shortly, passionately.

"Be quick!", he said.

I felt the heat rushing to my face. That one could be so lucky …

My eyes sparkling, my heart beating I went to meet Jack one hour later, looking forward to our evening together. I tried not to think of the fact that he would leave the next day. I couldn't wait to be with Jack …

It was when I arrived at his apartment, just about to knock at the door that I heard voices coming out of the room.

"You have no right to tell me how to live my life!"

That was Jack's voice … And he seemed angry. I've never heard him sound like this before.

"I am still your father!", Now another, deeper male voice spoke.

"Your mother and I never said a word about your way of life before", he continued. "We let this go on long enough. You had your fun. But now it is time for you to grow up!"

I swallowed. Something was very wrong … Why was Jack's father here and why were they argueing? What was going on? Slowly, I moved closer to the door to hear better.

"I _love_ her!", Jack told his father heatedly. "I love June, father!"

"Oh now!", Mr. Phillips snorted. "Don't talk about love, you have no idea what that word means!"

Suddenly I felt very cold.

"I know that love is not about marrying someone you had last seen when you were a child!", Jack replied.

"That is because you have no idea what is best for you", his father returned.

"Kathleen Rex is perfect: Pretty, smart and from a good family. With her, you can go far."

It was as if someone would have punched me in the stomach. Kathleen Rex?… What ….?

"What I want is June." Jack's voice was shaking as he tried to stay calm and not to shout.

"I will not leave her. You cannot make me."

Silence …

"You are my son", Mr. Phillips finally said.

"And I will not let you throw your life away for some silly little girl without any background or family. Or money."

"Don't you dare talk about June like that!", Jack almost shouted.

"She is a better person than you and me together."

I felt sick. Shaking, I somehow managed to open the door.

"June!"

Jack immediately looked at me, his blue eyes wide open, shocked, pleading. Standing next to him was a tall middle-aged man with graying brown hair.

I wasn't able to say anything. I seemed to have lost my voice. I just looked at Jack and his father.

"June!"

Jack came up to me. I instinctively took a step back.

"So you are the June Murdoch that Jack has told about", Mr. Phillips said, smiling unpleasantly.

I ignored him, turning to Jack.

"Kathleen Rex?", was all I asked.

"She's his fiancée", his father replied, before Jack could answer.

My chest grew numb.

"But … but we are together", I stammered. Jack flinched at my words.

Mr. Phillips laughed shortly.

"Now, I don't know what my son has let you to believe, but I'm afraid you were mistaken in any future plans you were making."

He paused for a second, obviously taking pleasure in my pain.

"Jack will marry Kathleen Rex", he told me, while I was gasping for air.

"It has all been set long ago. If my son conveniently forgot to tell you about being engaged, than I am sorry."

I couldn't stand this. Not looking at Jack, I turned around and ran out of the apartment. I heard Jack, saying something to his father, But I didn't understand the words.

It was raining outside. But I didn't care. I didn't feel the cold. I just stood there, raindrops falling on my hair and my clothes, while I tried to breath properly. Jack would marry someone else … Was this it then? Was I just his last distraction before he would leave to stay with Kathleen Rex, the girl his parents had picked out for him? Was everything we had, everything we shared all a lie?

"June …"

The voice that I would have recognised everywhere brought a new surge of pain. I didn't turn around. I couldn't face him right now.

"I am so sorry", I heard Jack say. "I never –"

"Since when?", I interrupted him, my voice hollow.

"I didn't –"

"Since when?", I asked again, struggling to keep my voice from screaming.

"Since when has this been going on?"

"Since I arrived from Clifden", Jack slowly replied.

I laughed bitterly. "And what, you forgot to tell me?", I wanted to know, finally facing him.

"I did tell you!", he reminded me, his blue eyes burning, as he stepped closer to me.

"Do you remember, I told you about Kathleen Rex on our very first date!"

"But you never mentioned how serious this was!", I shouted. "You never told me that your parents have already set a wedding date!"

"They haven't!", Jack said quickly, shaking his head. "And they won't, because I will never marry Kathleen Rex."

He sighed. "I am sorry for not telling you", he said. "But I just couldn't. If I would have told you that my parents were arranging my marriage with another girl, would you have ever agreed to see me again?"

"Oh, so this is my fault!"

"No!"

Jack grabbed my hand. I looked away.

"The only real reason why I never told you is, because for me there wasn't a reason", he said softly.

"I love you June, you and no one else. I don't want to be with another girl. Never."

"But your engaged, about to be married, Jack!", I reminded him, trying to fight back the tears that I wanted to cry.

"This isn't something you can just ignore!"

"Yes I can, because it is still my choice who I'll marry and who don't!", Jack replied angrily.

"And you think that life works that way?", I said, now crying.

"How are we supposed to be together, when your father treats me like some ugly insect?"

"I don't care about my father!", Jack answered rudely.

"I care about you."

He squeezed my hand.

"June, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me", he told me softly. "I would be a fool to ever leave you."

"I don't know …"

I felt heartbroken. Maybe it was just a dream after all …

Jack seemed to have guessed my thoughts.

"After all we've been through", he continued, still holding me close.

"Please don't … don't give us up just like that."

I didn't know what to say. Jack loved me, he was engaged to someone else. I loved him, his parents hated me …

"I … I have to go."

Before Jack could have hold me back I freed myself from his grip and ran away. I didn't look back …

I was glad that Ada was in her study, so she didn't see me crying and could ask what was wrong.

What had just happened? Had Jack and I broken up? Had this been the last time that I was to see him ever again? Had I lost the love of my life?

I was sitting in my room, thinking it over and over. And I got angry. Who was George Phillips to treat me that way? To decide how his son should lead his life? If I wouldn't have been so shocked earlier I would have now liked to give him a piece of my mind.

And why had Jack never mentioned any of this to me? Because he loved me … Because he didn't want to lose me.

Where was Jack now? With his father? Alone? He would leave tomorrow morning on the Adriatic. Maybe I would never see him again … At this thought I immediately wanted to get up and run back to him, to tell him that it was a mistake and that I loved him too, despite what his parents might think.

But what if he was already gone? If it was too late? Or if what we had was just an illusion, a dream and now we had woken up and had to face real life?

"What should I do …?", I murmured, burying my face in my hands.

Suddenly I heard the doorbell ring. And without asking, I knew who it would be.

"It's okay, Bettie!", I called out, running down the stairs. I had to be careful not to trip because I was suddenly so in a hurry.

I opened the door and without needing to look, I threw myself forward and into Jack's arms. He pulled me close to him.

"I'm sorry", he murmured into my hair.

"I'm so sorry … I love you …"

"I love you too", I whispered.

I don't know how long we stood like this. It was only very slowly that Jack let me go again.

"Come on", he said lovingly, gesturing me to follow him. He didn't need to say it twice.

"What will happen now?"

We were back in Jack's apartment. His father had left and it was just us two, snuggling on the couch in his room. Trying to find a way to be together.

"I talked to my father", Jack tried to sooth me.

"He knows now that what what we have is serious and that if I am ever going to get married, it will be you."

I had to smile at that.

"I like that thought", I whispered.

Jack kissed me slowly.

"Thank you for still being here", he said.

"My father should have never said those things about you. You deserve better."

I swallowed.

"They hate me, don't they?", I asked. "Your whole family …"

Jack shook his head.

"No!", he assured me. He paused.

"They don't know you", he then continued.

"They have this great plans for me because they think that is what is best for me. But if they could only know you … And my mother already likes you!"

I snorted.

"Of course!"

"It's true!", Jack replied. He chuckled. "She said that every girl that keeps me out of bars and from living my life too fast is a girl that she likes."

I had to giggle.

"But she still wants you to marry Kathleen Rex", I assumed, resting my head on his chest.

"She wants me to be happy", Jack said slowly. "She might need to get used to the idea but she would understand."

I just hoped he was right …

"Who is Kathleen Rex?", I asked after some time, trying to hide my curiousness.

"Is she pretty?"

Jack grinned.

"Do I detect a hint of jealousy in your voice?", he teased me.

"I want to know!", I said, nudging him playfully.

Jack thought about it for a while.

"I guess some men would call her beautiful", he said, looking at me with his blue eyes. He was smiling.

"But I am prejudiced as I am with you."

I laughed. "Did you plan to say that?", I asked him.

"No." Jack grinned mischievously.

"But you have to admit, it sounds good."

With a touch of his hands, he brought my face closer to his.

"I love you", he whispered.

I kissed him gently.

"That is the whole problem", I smiled.

"Because I love you too."

When Jack's lips met mine, I knew that everything would be okay. Despite his father, despite Kathleen Rex, despite his long absences … As long as we would stick together, everything would be fine …

I never told Ada and Will about what had happened that day. It would only have made everything more complicated and at the time, they had enough to worry about: Will had to be a witness in the trial about the collision of the Olympic with the M.S Hawke. He also told me about Bruce Ismay's plans for another ship that was being built at the moment in Belfast at Harland And Wolff. Olympic's bigger and even more luxurous sister. Titanic.

"What's all this male preoccupation with size?", Ada just asked, after Will had told us that Ismay intended Titanic to be the biggest ship in history.

"Is this a compensation for something?"

I giggled.

In the meantime, Jack was transferred on another ship. From now on he would work on the Oceanic. I still couldn't see what people like my uncle could possibly find so fascinating in ships. But it was nice when Jack showed me the Oceanic the day before he was to leave.

"Phillips!"

The voice of a young man made us turn around. A boy, approximately Jack's age, maybe a bit younger, came towards us. His hair and eyes had the colour of caramel and he was wearing the uniform of a ship officer of the White Star Line.

"Moody!", Jack said, smiling, as he turned to him.

"June, this is James Moody", he introduced us. "We met when we worked on the same ship."

"Yes and now we will work together on the Oceanic", Moody finished. We shook hands. One couldn't help but like James Paul Moody. He was nice, very polite and smart. He came from Grimsby, Scarborough and was the same age as Jack: His birthday was in August, Jack's in April.

It was Winter now and starting to get colder and colder. The new year was fast approaching, togethe with the Christmas holidays. Jack and I spent a wonderful week together, until he left to see his family.

"I wish we could have more time", he whispered, when we said goodbye. That seems to be the one thing we never had … time.


	5. Chapter 5

And I knew that Jack's family would still do everything in their power to make him marry Kathleen Rex.

"What do they know?", Jack said, holding me in his arms before he would leave. "We are together that is the only thing that matters!"

I knew he was right.

Time passed. Christmas came and went. Looking back now, it is strange why the whole Winter of 1911 to me just seems to be mixture of memories connected to Jack. But maybe that was because of what was to happen, three months after the new year had begun … In March 1912.

I can remember it as if it would have happened yesterday …

"A letter from Will", Ada told me, excited as always when he wrote to her. She read it out loud so I could hear.

"He is going to be Chief Officer on the R.M.S Titanic!", she told me. Just one sentence. That would change everything …

"What?"

I was surprised.

But Ada nodded.

"Will is in Belfast and will arrive in Southampton with the Titanic on April 5th."

"But that is amazing!", I said. I knew what it meant for Will. Chief Officer on the Titanic, the greatest ship of its time! This must be like a dream come true.

Ada however didn't seem to share this opinion. She nodded briefly, before she gave me another letter.

"From Jack", she just said. As always when I got a letter from him, I felt my heart skip a beat.

"My June", he wrote,

"How are you? I miss you. At least I know now that it won't be long until I will see you again: I have a surprise: I'm in Belfast! I am to start working on the Titanic, together with Bride. I still can't believe it: This will be the first time that I will work together with Bride and on the Titanic … I am sure this will get interesting. Doesn't your uncle also work on the Titanic? I heard that he is to be Chief Officer. Which brings me to the reason of writing this letter (except of course, to tell you that I love you!): Come with me! I know, I have to work, so we won't be able to see each other that often, but at least we wouldn't be that far apart as usual. And we could be together when I am off duty. I could show you New York. I am sure your uncle would like it too, if you would come with us on the maiden voyage of Titanic. And Moody will also be there as the 6th Officer. Think about it, okay?

Always yours

Jack

I lowered the letter. Me, on a ship … With Jack. I had never been on a ship before. I never wanted to. But now, that Jack was asking me to come with him … The thought of being with him, together, in New York made my heart beat faster. And I would be there on Jack's birthday. He would turn 25 on April 11, on the Titanic. It would be great to be there with him. And I knew that it would mean much to Will if I would accompany him on one of his trips. Bride would also be there. Since that evening I had only seen him a few times and then he talked mostly to Jack or Cottam. And it would be nice to see Moody again.

"Ada, what would you say, if I would tell you that I want to go to New York with Will on the Titanic?", I finally said.

"What?" Ada looked at me, confused.

"Why would you want that?", she asked. In Ada's opinion, Titanic was the result of some little man's mind who had a severe inferiority complex and nothing good could come of that. Normally, I would have agreed with her, but now …

"Jack asked me to", I told her.

"And you want to go?", Ada demanded to know.

I only nodded.

"I don't know …", she didn't seem convinced.

"Please?", I asked her.

I had made up my mind. I wanted to go to New York. With Jack. On the Titanic. I couldn't know what would happen …

Ada sighed.

"Then we have to buy you a ticket", she said, chuckling as I hugged her.

"Thank you!"

"You are a Murdoch", Ada replied, as if this would explain my sudden wish to travel by ship.

The next days passed much too quickly. Ada had written to Will, telling him about my plans. As expected, he was delighted to hear that I wanted to go with him and promised to take care of my ticket. I wrote to Jack and everything was set. I had made my decision. And now I couldn't go back.

April 5th 1912 was a nice and clear day. I can still remember it. I was waiting with Ada at the port, surrounded by hundreds of curious onlookers who had come for just one thing: The Titanic.

Like a gigantic, steel seamonster she slowly moved towards the port. Never in my life had I seen anything like it before. Some people gasped. I remember what Will had told me so far about the Titanic: Nearly 270 metres long and 54 metres high, including the funnels, which were so big that a train could drive through and with a draught of almost eleven metres. She was equipped with bulkheads, life boats, a double hull and pumps, that were supposed to make the ship unsinkable.

"Ridiculous!", Ada had said to that. "As if there will ever be something as an unsinkable ship! Who do we think we are, God Almighty?" Ada wasn't a superstitious or even a very religious woman, but in her eyes it was dangerous arrogance, to claim to have built a ship that could defy nature and its forces. In silence, I agreed with her.

"Titanic is much too big", Ada said, sounding worried as she looked at the monster of a ship, anchoring at the port. "She looks unreliable."

Yet I, who had always been afraid of ships, found something comforting in Titanic's size. Like a big hen protecting its chicken she lay there in the port between her smaller sisters. I could smell the fresh paint.

But now people were starting to leave the ship. The first was Captain Edward J. Smith. He reminded me of an old sea bear with the grey hair and his wary grey eyes. Will had told me that the command over the Titanic was to be the last before his retirement. But I noticed something arrogant in his looks and behaviour, something that said clearly that this was a man who was not used to his orders being ignored.

Beside him was a man, approximately in his late thirties but still young looking. He was smiling and talking politely to the men beside him. I couldn't help but smile too. Some people you could just tell that they had a good heart. I knew that this man was one of them.

Then the officers followed: Will and Charles Lightoller, an old friend of his, with whom Will had worked together on several occasions before. I noticed the red hair, looking out from under his cap. Then David Blair followed with Herbert Pitman, behind him Joseph Boxhall, a young man from a family with long seafaring tradition and known for his navigational skills. Then came Harold Lowe. I remembered what Will had told me about him. Lowe had run away from home, when his father wanted to get him an apprenticeship, starting to work on ships until even his parents couldn't object to his plans. He was known to be blunt and direct, without caring much what others might think of him. I noticed a mischief twinkle in Lowe's eyes, a twinkle I could imagine he would probably still have when he would be an old man. Behind Lowe was Moody.

But they weren't the ones I was waiting for. After what seemed like hours, I finally saw Jack and Bride, leaving the ship. Jack's eyes almost immediately found mine.

"Hey you", he said and kissed me sweetly on the lips.

"Hello June", Bride turned up behind him.

I smiled. It was good to see them again!

"How is working on the Titanic?", I asked them, curious to know more about the ship. "Until now everythings seems to okay", Jack replied. "But we have to wait for the maiden voyage in four days until we can say that for sure. Everything is brand new, the wireless has never been used before except by us, so we have to look out for complications. But I think it should be fine."

Bride chuckled. "The next weeks are going to be fun!"

It was nice, seeing Jack and Bride together. I could tell they were a great team and not just because they were friends.

We turned to look at Will and the other officers. They were shaking hands with a man in his late forties. His short hair and moustache had a strange shade of brown, like clay and his face looked pasty. He was smiling proudly, talking to the Captain and the other man, I had seen with him before.

"Who is that?", I wanted to know from Jack. He looked to the man.

"Oh, you mean Mr. Ismay", he replied.

I was surprised.

"This is Bruce Ismay?", I asked, puzzled. I hadn't imagined the great creator of the Titanic to look so … conservative, almost plain.

Jack nodded.

"That is him", he confirmed.

"And that beside him is Thomas Andrews", Bride told me, pointing discreetly to the man with the kind eyes. Thomas Andrews, shipbuilder and the mastermind behind the great Titanic. He was one of the most generous and good-hearted people, I have ever met. Even back then, without knowing him, I just had to look at his eyes and I knew this was true.

In the sun I suddenly saw something sparkling on Bride's left ringfinger.

"Bride", I said, so surprised that I shortly didn't know what to say.

"Are you engaged?"

Bride quickly lowered his hand, as if he would have been found out now that I had seen the ring.

"Only since a few weeks", he replied.

"To Mabel Ludlow", he then added as an afterthought.

"Congratulations!" I hugged him happily.

Bride smiled shortly. "Thank you."

"June!" Will's voice interrupted our conversation. The introductions were over and he was now standing with Ada.

"I have to go", I said, turning to Jack. "But I will see you later."

Jack kissed me gently on my forehead.

"I hope so!", he joked.

Out of the corner from my eye I noticed Bride looking away as Jack kissed me.

The next few days everything semed to be about Titanic. During the day, Will and Jack were away working, making sure that everything would be perfect on the day of the maiden voyage. The evenings I spent mostly with Jack.

"Are you nervous?", he asked me one time. "I know that you are scared of ships."

I snuggled closer to him. "To be honest, I don't really think about the fact that in four days I will be on a ship", I replied. "The only thing that matters is that we will be together. I can't wait to see you at work!"

Jack chuckled.

"You will find it boring", he said. "When I am working I am completely ignorant of everything beside the messages I receive. I wouldn't even notice that you come in to say hello."

I closed my eyes, resting my head on his chest.

"I'd like to see that."

And it was true: I wasn't scared of travelling on the Titanic. It was more like a swimming palace, than a real ship, which was a comforting thought. And Will would be there, quick and swift as a terrier and one of the best sailors I knew. I felt safe.

Over the next days, Jack and I also often were together with Bride and Moody. I liked them. I enjoyed being with them and getting to know them better. Moody told us about his family in Scarborough.

"I wanted to visit them before I go on the Titanic", he said. "But then in the end I had to go to Belfast and couldn't find the time." Poor James … He couldn't know that he would never return to England … He would never see his family again.

Will on the other side had his own problems. It was a few days before the Titanic was to leave Southampton, he came home, looking angry, hurt and upset. Neither Ada nor I had him ever seen like that.

"What is wrong?", Ada finally demanded to know. Will put a hand to his face.

"I was reduced to a First Officer", he said at last.

"What?", Ada and I asked in unison. Will nodded.

"Obviously, it was thought that Henry Wilde would be more suited for the job as Chief Officer", he explained. "They argue that Wilde has more experience because he has worked longer on the Olympic and knows the ship better. I am now the First, Lightoller was reduced to a Second. You should have seen his face, when he heard that!"

"I am sorry", Ada said honestly. I nodded. It had meant so much to Will to be the Chief Officer of the Titanic.

He smiled gratefully. "Thanks." He sighed, letting his hand wander through his chestnut-coloured hair.

"At least, they promised me that I would start to work as a Chief Officer after the maiden voyage", he told us. "And I still have my job, unlike David Blair. He was fired." None of us knew that David Blair would be forever grateful, for being fired as a ship officer on the Titanic …

But the best thing was still to come: Will had a surprise for me. A first-class ticket for the Titanic. I had no idea how Will had managed to get me this, but I was thrilled. On the last day before the start of my journey, I had completely forgotten my fear of ships. I was lying in Jack's arms, just happy and looking forward to this new experience.

"Then it is just us two", I said, as were in his room, enjoing our last day together in England.

"June …" Jack pulled me closer.

"It will always be us two", he reminded me.

Yet, I still had to leave again in the evening. Jack held me close as we said goodbye. "I'll see you tomorrow on the Titanic", he said.

I smiled. "I can't wait for it …"

It was to be Jack's last day in England.

The day of Titanic's maiden voyage was a beautiful and clear spring day. Will already left in the early morning for work, like Jack. I would follow later with Ada. And never had I seen the port of Southampton this crowded. People seemed to be everywhere and not just passengers of Titanic: Relatives, onlookers, reporters were all standing near the ship, staring at it. I noticed a bouquet of Lilies that someone had fastened at the shipwall. I saw Lowe and Moody, who were supervising the entering of the passengers.

Will joined us later on, to take me on board. He was together with Mr. Andrews.

"May I introduce you to my niece June?", he asked him. "She will also travel with us on the Titanic."

"Then I hope you will enjoy your journey", Mr. Andrews said, smiling warmly. He was exactly as I had expected him to be …

"I can't see why I shouldn't", I replied, looking at the Titanic, shining in the sun. "Your ship is a masterpiece, Mr. Andrews."

"Thank you", he said kindly.

It was time. Mr. Andrews left again and Will and I had to say goodbye to Ada.

"Take care, okay?", she said to me.

"I will", I promised.

Then she turned to Will.

"I feel, as if I would never see you again …", she whispered.

Will nudged her gently.

"Don't be ridiculous", he said softly, kissing her on her forehead.

"You know that I always come back to you."

"Just promise me to be careful", Ada asked him.

"Of course."

But Ada was right. She would never see Will again. This was the last embrace, the last kiss …

I followed Will up the gangway.

"Good morning, Miss", one of the stewards greeted me. "Welcome onboard of the Titanic." Will winked at me, walking past me to get back to work. The stewart gestured me to follow him. He lead me to my cabin. Curiously, I looked around.

I had never been poor, but I had never been rich either. Or at least not like the normal first class passenger. The carpet on the floor was so thick that my feet nearly sank into it and the cabin looked like a small, luxurious apartment, from the ornate wood panelling to the decorations. It was beautiful. And it didn't feel, as if I would be on a ship. I knew that was how Bruce Ismay had intended the Titanic to be like: More luxurious and comfortable than any other ship, so that the passengers wouldn't even notice if she was slower than for example the Lusitania. Even the cabins of the third class offered more comfort than most third class passengers were used to normally. Or at least, that was what Ismay liked to point out.

But for now, I didn't want to stay in my cabin. I went on deck, where already hundreds of passengers seemed to have assembled. They were standing at the rail, waving and calling to the people in the port.

I looked over to the bridge, where I saw the officers and the Captain hurrying around. And a white door, where black letters said: Marconi Wireless. I smiled. Jack was now in there, working … I wanted to go to him, but as a sign clearly said: No admittance for unauthorised people.

I turned back to the people at the rail. They were now whispering excitedly and pointing. I soon saw the reason: The distance between the wall of the port and the Titanic slowly grew bigger and bigger. It was time …

Suddenly I heard calls from the bridge. They were screaming something. I followed their eyes and noticed the New York, a ship that had anchored near the Titanic. The suction of the ship had pulled the New York from her anchorage and now the ship was slowly floating towards the Titanic. They were about to collide … Then everything happened very quickly: The Titanic turned, so that the suction now softly led the New York back to the port. The danger was over. I sighed in relief.

People around me were cheering and waving to those left in the port. And I couldn't help but be swept away by the excitement of the moment. I waved too, trying to find Ada in the crowd. But the Titanic was already too far away now. When I would see Ada again, everything would have changed …

I looked down the seven floors of the Titanic, to the dark blue sea. For the next week, Titanic would be my new home, taking its passengers with a speed of 21 knots to New York. I smiled. I was looking forward to the journey …

I spent my first hours on the Titanic with walking around the decks of the first class, enjoying the sunshine and the fresh sea air. And I realised that I would need more than one week, to learn to find my way on the Titanic. There was so much to see! Restaurants, cafés, a swimming pool, a gymnasium, a Turkish bath, libraries and barber shops … The Titanic seemed to have everything.

But that didn't matter, when Jack's shift was finally over and I could go to see him. I stood at the door of the wireless room, waiting for him to come out. Bride found me at the door.

"Hello", he greeted me. "Come on in."

I hesitated. "Am I allowed too?"

Bride chuckled. "Technically not", he admitted. "But I think it's okay."

I follwed Bride into the little room. Jack was sitting on a chair, with his back to me, his face hidden in the smoke of his cigarette. His left leg was on the ground, his right leg was in constant movement.

"Hey, Jack", Bride said. Jack didn't look up.

"Hey, my boy", he answered. "You're the last one I needed."

Somebody else would have probably feel insulted by such a comment, but Bride just chuckled.

"Come on", he said, walking towards the chair, Jack was sitting in. "I release you."

I noticed a pile of messages lying on the table.

"Are these all messages you have to send?", I asked, shocked by the length of the pile.

Bride nodded, rolling his eyes. "All personal messages from passengers", he told me.

Jack turned to me, showing me that he had noticed my presence. "As the Captain said, they are paying customers and so their messages should be treated with special importance. "

"Yes, because we wouldn't want Mr. Hockley to arrive in New York without his private train waiting for him", Bride said sarcastically.

"It is the first day and we are already flooded with private messages, as if we wouldn't have anything better to do", Jack sighed.

Jack gave Bride a pat on his back. "So, have fun", he joked.

"Thanks", Bride replied, sitting down on the chair.

Jack and I went outside.

"I would have invited you to our private room, but I don't think this would have been a great idea", Jack said. He and Bride shared a little room seperated from the wireless room just by a green curtain. The room only had one bed, as the wireless operators were working in shifts and you could hear everything from the wireless room.

"I could smuggle you into my room", I suggested.

Jack grinned mischievously.

"I don't think this is allowed …"

But I just laughed.

"Come on!"

"Wow", Jack commented. He looked around the room of my apartment.

"I know, it's impressive.", I agreed.

I saw Jack's eyes wander to the huge and cosy bed. "No, I like it …"

He pulled me slowly closer. "Come here …"

I smiled against his lips, standing on my toes to kiss him.

"June?" The sound of Will's voice and the knocking at the door interrupted us at once. Immediately, I let go off Jack.

"Will!", I whispered in shock. Even Jack went pale. Will would go ballistic if he saw Jack here, not to mention that it was strictly forbidden for him to be in the apartment of a passenger.

Without a word, Jack disappeared under the bed. Trying to stay calm, I opened the door.

"Hey", Will was smiling at me.

"Hello." I tried to keep my voice normal.

"I was wondering if you would like to have lunch with me", Will asked me. Before I could stop him, he came in.

"Oh, actually, I … I already ate", I lied.

Will looked at me, clearly confused. "Is everything alright?", he wanted to know. "You seem … nervous."

"No, I'm … I'm fine!", I said quickly. I looked to the floor. And saw Jack's cap lying there. I felt my heart jump.

"Actually, I wanted to sleep a bit", I said, immediately stepping in front of Will and putting a hand on his back to make him turn to the door.

"Okay …" Will replied, puzzled.

"Are you sure everything is okay?", he asked again.

"Of course!", I replied, not giving him time to look back. As soon as Will was out of the room, I closed the door.

"That was close!", I sighed.

Cursing and swearing, Jack came out from under the bed. He grabed his cap.

"Maybe we should limit our time here to the hours during the night", he suggested.

"That would be good", I agreed.

A bit later, we were standing outside at the rail, looking out to the sea. I watched Jack. The blinking that sailors got in their eyes, when they watched out onto the horizon for too long … Jack had it too. I nudged him lovingly.

"I am glad that I can share this with you."

He squeezed my hand.

"Me too."

Jack left for work at six o' clock. And I would have dinner with Will. In the end, I should have known, what was coming …

"I am sorry for having lunch with you", I told Will. He shook his head.

"It's okay", he said, looking straight to my face. "I can understand that you want to spend time with Jack."

For once, words failed me.

"Will …"

He held up a hand.

"I don't want explanations", he said.

"And I certainly don't want to hear what you and Jack were doing." He paused shortly.

"I just think that you and Jack are taking things way too fast. How often have you seen each other until now? Three, four times? You barely know each other."

"I love him", I answered silently. "Isn't that the only thing that matters?"

"But you two are so completely different people", Will reminded me. "How do you know that he is the right one for you?"

I raised my eyebrows. "What, do you want to forbid me to be with Jack?", I asked sharply.

Will thought about that for a second. Then he smiled.

"Of course not", he answered. "You are the most reasonable girl I know, June. I never had reason not to trust you. And I know that you can trust your instincts."

"Thank you", I said, touched. And with that, Will never mentioned the topic again.

Jack's shift ended at two in the morning. I stayed awake. It was the eleventh of April. Jack's 25th birthday …

When I stepped into the wireless room to meet Jack, he didn't give the slightest sign to show that he had heard me entering. He was sitting there, listening to a language that nobody else understood, smiling, like a child in a toyshop.

I stood behind him, bringing my lips to his hear.

"This isn't fair", I whispered. "That you hide in your own world without taking me with you."

Finally, Jack turned around to look at me. I kissed him softly.

"Happy Birthday …"

Later, we were lying in bed, talking.

"I still haven't given you your present", I remembered. In response, Jack let his fingers wander to my hips.

"I thought you would be my present", he said mischievously.

I laughed.

"Then you would have already gotten it", I reminded him. Jack watched me as I got up, going to the drawer where I kept my gift for him.

Jack smiled as he saw it.

"Turkish delight?", he asked. I nodded.

"So that you have something sweet even when we are apart", I told him.

"That's cute."

Jack put his arms around me, bringing me closer to him.

"Thanks", he whispered.

"June …"

His beautiful blue eyes were locked to mine, our fingers intertwined.

"I love you so much", he said softly. "More with every day … I never thought somebody could make me feel this way … but you … you can."

We kissed as Titanic made her way towards Cherbourg.


	6. Chapter 6

It wasn't even eight in the morning, when Jack had to get up again and go to work.

"You don't have to come with me", he told me, as I was getting dressed.

"Go back to sleep, enjoy your holidays."

I had always been an early riser, it was no problem for me. I accompanied Jack to the wireless cabin. As it was still so early and a cold morning, there were only few people outside, except the officers on duty. I saw Mr. Andrews, who had just finished talking to Wilde. He left the bridge, walking over to the rail.

"Good morning, Mr. Andrews", I greeted him. He showed me his kind smile. "Good morning, June", he replied. "You are already up?"

"You too", I noted.

"Yes, I wanted to take a tour through the ship", Mr. Andrews explained. "Would you care to join me?"

"That would be great!", I replied enthusiastically, interested in seeing more of the Titanic. And Mr. Andrews was the perfect guide. Being the builder, he knew the ship better than anyone else, showing me some secret passageways that I doubted even crew members knew. Mr. Andrews carried a little notebook with him, where he wrote down various defects or point for improvement that he saw. Outside, he let me back to the bridge.

Mr. Andrews told me that Titanic was equipped with three different types of life boats: Two wooden cutters, fourteen wooden lifeboats and four collapsibles. But there was one thing that I noticed. I counted and added the numbers he had mentioned in my head …

"There aren't enough lifeboats for everyone on board", I realised. "Aren't there?"

"For half of the people actually", Mr. Andrews replied. He noticed my worried face. "Don't you worry", he soothed me. "This is a good, strong ship. The only lifeboat you will need."

I nodded, without being convinced. "Just in case anything would happen", I thought to myself, "which of course it won't, as everybody here seems to think then the other half what? Is left to drown?" But I didn't say that out loud. I saw Lowe at the bridge, mumbling angrily about something.

"Is something wrong?", I asked him. He shook his head. "No, just some woman from the first class", he told me. He snorted. "She demanded a new cabin because she thinks her's is too loud. As if that would be my job! I told her I am a ship officer, not a stewart and that I have better things to do with my time." I chuckled.

A few metres away from us, Wilde was talking to Boxhall.

"Have you seen the binoculars for the lookout?", I heard Wilde ask him. "Not since Southampton, Sir", Boxhall replied. I knew that this topic wasn't meant for my ears, so I decided to ignore it … it was only four days later that I would remember the conversation.

As usual, Jack didn't give a sign that he heard me enter the wireless cabin.

"I'll be with you in a minute", he said. He smiled, as I kissed him in the neck.

Bride entered the cabin. I noticed a bucket, filled with ice cubes in his hand.

"What …?", I wanted to ask him, but Bride gestured me to be silent. Before I had the chance to wonder what he was doing, I saw him sneak up on Jack. Then, before I could stop him, he emptied the bucket. Into Jack's collar.

Jack let out a scream, flailing his arms wildly, trying to catch Bride. But he was faster, jumping to the side.

Bride was giggling. "Vengeance is sweet my friend!", he said.

"I'll give you vengeance!", Jack threatened.

"Do I have to remind you of this incidence with the lubricating oil?", Bride asked.

I had to laugh. It looked so funny … Jack, flailing his arms, Bride laughing.

"Happy Birthday!", he said to Jack.

Luckily, Jack was not someone to bear grudges. We celebrated his birthday and had a late breakfast, Bride had brought along with the ice cubes. It was nice. None of us knew that this was to be Jack's last birthday …

Yet, I could sense that something was bothering Bride. He was even more withdrawn than usual and barely looked me in the eyes when he said something to me. He seemed to spend most of his time in the wireless cabin, working. And he never once mentioned his fiancée, or behaved as if he would be looking forward to get married.

"Is something wrong with Bride?", I finally asked Jack. "He seemes unhappy."

Jack shook his head.

"I have no idea", he answered and sighed. "I can tell that something is going on but when I ask him he just says that everything is fine. Which is a lie, of course."

"I don't understand this …" I was worried.

Jack put his arms around me.

"Bride will talk to us when he is ready for it", he soothed me. "We are his friends, he knows that he can tell us everything." I nodded.

In the meantime I spent my time exploring the ship and getting to know the other passengers. Mr. Andrews introduced me to Margaret Brown. The unsinkable Molly Brown, as she would later be remembered. She was outgoing, funny, and nice. I immediately liked her. She also invitied me to dine with her and a group of other first class passengers. Until then I had always had dinner with Will and the ship officers. And I was a bit nervous first.

"I have no idea how to behave in such a society", I admitted my fears later to Jack, when I was trying to find the right dress. "I don't want to embarrass myself."

"You won't", Jack promised me. "Just be yourself and you'll be fine." At least it would be a new experience. And Mr. Andrews and Molly (she didn't want me to call her "Mrs. Brown") would be there.

At eight o' clock I was walking towards the great hall with the famous grand staircase. I was wearing my best dress, long and midnight blue. Ada and Will once bought it for me for Christmas, but until now I had never worn it. My hair was falling smoohly over my shoulders. I felt nervous, but tried not to let it show.

Suddenly I noticed Bride, coming my way.

"Bride!", I called him. He looked up. And stopped. "Hello June", he said, looking at my dress and my hair. He opened his mouth to say something but words seemed to fail him. For some strange reason I blushed.

"I take this loss for words as a compliment", I joked.

Bride smiled. "Yes", he replied.

"What are you doing here?", I asked him.

"I was getting something to eat", he answered. "I have to get back to the wireless cabin, to get some sleep before my shift starts. And you?", he wanted to know.

I told him about my dinner plans.

"Then I hope you'll have fun", Bride replied kindly.

"Thank you."

Silence fell between us.

"I … I should go now." Feeling awkward, I turned to leave. I was just about to go to the door, when I suddenly heard Bride's voice.

"June!"

I turned back to him.

"Yes?", I asked, slightly confused. Bride bit on his tongue.

"I … I just …", he tried to say, searching for the right words.

"What?", I asked softly.

Bride looked up. He smiled, but it was a sad smile.

"Nothing", he said. "Good night, June. You look beautiful."

I blushed. "Thank you. Good night to you too, Bride."

When I left, I couldn't shake off the feeling that this was not what Bride had intended to say. But what was it then?

I forgot Bride as soon as I entered the dining hall of the first class and saw Molly Brown, already waiting for me. I was to dine with her and a group of other first class passengers: William T. Stead, Mr. Guggenheim, Colonel Archibald Gracie and Jack Thayer with his family. Jack Thayer's son was about my age. I saw them, sitting down at the table, together with Mr. Andrews and Bruce Ismay. A few tables away, I spotted Sir Cosmo and Lady Lucile Duff Gordon as well as John Jacob Astor and his young wife. The richest man on the ship, with his wife being pregnant and even two years younger than me. Or at least, that was what Molly told me. She must have noticed that I was nervous.

"Don't worry", she whispered. "Just let them think you're a rich heiress and they'll love you." I giggled.

I always wondered how it would be to be in the company of rich people. Now I knew it: Boring. Especially the men seemed to talk mostly about money, while Bruce Ismay told everyone who was willing to listen how great Titanic was. As if all this would have been his doing! Mr. Andrews, sitting next to me, stayed silent, but I noticed him hiding a smile behind his napkin a few times, when Ismay just got ridiculous. I enjoyed the meal, listening to Molly and her jokes. When suddenly raised the attention of the whole table.

"Mr. Andrews, there is something I always wanted to ask you", he said, looking straight at the builder of Titanic. "And what would that be?", Mr. Andrews replied, puzzled.

"Do you by any chance know the novel _Futility _by Morgan Robertson?", Guggenheim wanted to know.

Mr. Andrews shook his head. "No, I'm afraid I've never heard of it", he answered politely. Mr. Guggenheim smiled secretively. "Interesting", he said.

"What kind of book is it?", Jack Thayer Jr. asked curiously.

"Well, that is the mysterious thing", Mr. Guggenheim replied. All heads at the table were now turned to him, as he explained.

"It is a story about a ship. The most luxurious and greatest ship of all times in fact, just like your Titanic, Mr. Andrews. Her name is Titan. And like Titanic the richest and wealthiest men of the time are among her passengers", he told us. He paused shortly, to build up the suspense.

"On her maiden voyage, the Titan hits an iceberg and sinks", he continued, almost in a whisper. "Nearly all of her passengers die, because there are not enough life boats."

I felt a chill running down my spine. There was an awkward silence. Mr. Ismay coughed.

"What do you say to this, Mr. Andrews?", Mrs. Thayer asked him, obviously slightly shocked.

Mr. Andrews smiled politely, covering his real emotions. "It is interesting", he admitted and looked up, his brown eyes flashing at Mr. Guggenheim. "But still, it is just a book."

"Of course", he returned, smiling back. "But are the similarities not remarkable?"

"Coincidence", Mr. Andrews replied, his voice slowly loosing politeness.

"Why are you so sure of this?", Mr. Guggenheim wanted to know.

"Because I have faith", he answered, a chill in his voice that left no doubt that this conversation was over for him. "Faith in this ship and its builders."

It was Molly, who saved the evening by changing the topic. The men soon afterwards left for brandy and cigars. I stayed, listening to the band and watching Wallace Hartley playing the violin. I can still see them now … Standing on deck of Titanic, playing while the ship sank.

I couldn't sleep that night. Instead, I stayed awake and watched Jack, lying next to me. So much had happened since I met him … I fell in love, I found in Harold Bride my best friend and I was here, on Titanic. Jack brought colours to my world. And for this I would be forever grateful.

The next day, April 12th was a cold and clear spring day. And it brought a change. Yesterday, we still had been near land, Cherbourg being the last port where Titanic would stop. Now we were on our way to America, with nothing ahead of us but the ocean. The point of no return …

At two, when Jack's shift was over, I entered the wireless cabin to pick him up. "And you really know what all these machines are for?", I asked him, curiously looking around the little room. "To me it seems really confusing."

Jack chuckled. "It looks more confusing than it is", he assured me. "Once you know how, sending messages is easy."

"It looks fascinating", I admitted. "Especially when you are the wireless operator."

Jack laughed shortly. "I could teach you", he said. He was grinning mischievously.

"What?" I said, not sure if he was joking. But instead, Jack got up, gesturing me to sit down in his chair.

"I am pretty sure that this is strictly forbidden", I reminded him.

"Do you see anyone here except us two?", Jack returned.

I hesitated for a second.

"Okay!"

I sat down, putting my hand on the transmitter. Jack stood behind me, putting his hand on mine.

"The most important thing to keep in mind is the rhythm", he told me, his voice next to my ear. "Every sound, every word that you send has to have a certain length."

I nodded, as Jack moved my hand in the correct rhythm and showed me what to do. I turned my head, to look at him. His face was just inches away from mine, his beautiful blue eyes concentrated on his work. Only, when he noticed me staring at him did he stop.

"I love you, Jack", I said softly.

Gently, he squeezed my hand.

"I love you too."

We kissed, a soft, tend, irresistible kiss.

Shortly afterwards, Bride walked in. "Did I interupt something?", he asked as he saw Jack and me so close together. I got up.

"No, not at all", Jack said and added proudly: "June just sent her first message!"

"Congratulations!", Bride joked.

"Thanks, but I think I better stay with writing", I replied. "How do you manage to type so fast?"

"Practice", Jack simply answered. "I can send 39 words per minute now, Bride 26."

"Wow", I said, impressed. I knew that I would never be that good. But then I didn't have to be.

Jack took me out to the rail, to look out to the sea. The water was a dark blue, like Jack's eyes, almost black. It must be very deep …

"Hey, you two." Yawning, James Moody walked over to us. "What are you doing?"

"We were just looking out to the ocean", Jack replied.

"There is no land in sight", I said, lost in thoughts. "America is still so far away … The only thing around us is water."

"And this without enough life boats", I heard Jack mumble. Obviously, I wasn't the only one who had thought about this.

"You couldn't even swim", Jack continued slowly. "The water is much too cold."

I looked up.

"How cold?", I asked, trying to keep the anxiousness out of my voice.

Jack shrugged. "Maybe a few degrees over zero", he answered.

"Great!", I sighed. "So either you drown or you freeze to death!"

"Freezing is not such a bad death", James said, looking into the dark blue, steely water. "You basically slowly fall asleep as your body shuts down. You start to dream and just drift away ..."

Jack laughed. "Yes, but when I sleep, I normally like to wake up again." James agreed.

A bit later, Jack and I were in my cabin. I was lying in his arms. Jack was quiet, just gently kissing my head from time to time.

"I know how I would want to die", he said suddenly, the conversation with James still in his mind. My eyes searched his, as he continued.

"I would want to lie in your arms", he said softly, letting his fingers run across my face. "And I would want your eyes to be the last thing that I see. Your voice the last thing that I hear ..."

I smiled. "This is beautiful", I replied. "And very morbid", I added.

"It is the truth", Jack just said.

I shook my head. "Don't … don't talk about things like that", I said. "I can't bear to think about you dying." Only the thought made me feel numb and sick.

"We all have to die eventually", Jack reminded me.

"Yes, but not with 25!", I replied.

"John Keats did."

"He was ill!", I said, my voice strangely hollow. "You are not!"

Jack must have noticed the distressed look on my face. He laughed and pulled me closer to him.

"I am sorry", he said. "I was just thinking out loud. Don't worry!" He took away my fears with a kiss.

The next day, April 13th began. I was starting to know all the ways around Titanic. As usual, I accompanied Jack to the wireless room. If I think about it now, it is a miracle that no one ever caught us.

Bride was working, waiting for Jack to relieve him. I noticed how tired and exhausted he looked. As if there would be something on his mind, something he couldn't tell anyone. He seemed depressed, but careful not to let it show, when he saw Jack and me. But when Jack turned to say goodbye, I immediately forgot everything about Harold Bride.

"I'll see you later", Jack told me. "I will wait", I just replied.

Normally, Jack and I managed to find time for us during afternoon from 2 to 8 p.m, when Bride was working and during the night from 2 to 8 a.m. Not very long and of course Jack was spending the most time sleeping but we could still be together. I didn't mind.

"We will have more time for each other when we are in New York", Jack promised me. My heart jumped at this thought. Even Jack's parents or the watchfull eyes of Will could not change this fact …

And there were still the evenings, when Jack would sneak into my cabin. So he did this night.

"I only wish we could stop time", I murmured happily, my head against Jack's shoulder after he had arrived in my room.

"That would be nice", he agreed, grinning as he gently pulled me closer. To feel him like this, to have Jack so close to me … I treasured these moments. I knew that I would never feel this way again …

A soft knock on the door interrupted us. Before we had the chance to wonder who it could be, I heard Bride's shy voice.

"I am sorry for disturbing you", he said and I could tell that his face was bright red. "But I am afraid we have a problem in the wireless room."

At once, Jack let go of me and went to open the door. Bride slowly walked in.

"What problem?", Jack wanted to know. Bride told us that the wireless had broken down an hour ago and now he wasn't able to send even one letter. Jack sighed.

"I knew it!", he cursed. "The new machines and all the private messages … This was bound to happen."

He turned to me. "I am sorry. I hate to leave you", he whispered.

"It's okay", I assured him. "Just try to get some sleep. And don't forget what you wanted to do before Bride came."

Jack laughed and gently kissed me on the lips. I noticed Bride, turning his head to look away.

The last sunrise of Jack's life came and went. April 14th promised to be another clear and cold spring day. I went to look for Jack at the wireless cabin and found him and Bride still working.

"We were up the whole night", he told me. "We had to take the whole machine apart, piece by piece before we were able to find the problem, cable fires."

Bride nodded. "We kept ourselves awake with coffee and dirty jokes", he said. Jack's response was a long yawn. He looked grey and tired. I wouldn't have been surprised if he had fallen asleep right on the table. Yet, he still wanted to come with me. He fell asleep the second his head touched the pillow. I lay close to him, awake and ejoying feeling Jack's arms around me. We stayed in my cabin the whole afternoon. I didn't know that it was to be the last time that I would lie next to him …

"I feel as if I had just went to bed", Jack sighed, when he had to get up again for work. We went outside for a breath of fresh air. It was dark and cold. Jack put his arms around me when I started to shiver.

"Your uncle will be wondering where you've been the whole day", he said slowly.

"Probably", I had to admit. "But he knows that I am here with you. That I am going to New York with you." Jack looked out to the dark sea in front of us. I could guess what he was thinking: His family was still ignoring our relationship. And he was still engaged to Kathleen Rex … Jack suddenly pulled me closer, one hand under my chin, making me look directly into his beautiful blue eyes.

"I will write to my parents", he said. "I will tell them that I will never marry anyone else but you."

My heart started to beat faster. "Jack …" He was smiling.

"June", he said softly, caressing my cheek. "Will you marry me?"

For some seconds the only noise that could be heard was the engine from the ship. I looked at Jack, sure that this was all a dream.

"Are … are you sure?", I finally managed to ask. "Your family … what if –" Jack silenced me with a kiss. "This is my life", he replied gently. "And I would have never thought that I would find someone that I want to spend my life with, sometimes I am still not sure how it happened, but, I did. And it's you, June." He let a hand run through my hair. "You are the one that I want", he continued. "The question now is, if you want me." He looked at me, nervously, questioningly. At this, I threw my arms around him.

"Of course I want you!", I laughed, my voice shaking with happiness. "Of course I want to marry you!"

Jack's eyes sparkled as his face broke into the beautiful smile that I loved so much. He kissed my hair, my nose, my cheek and my mouth. None of us spoke for a few seconds. We were just standing there, as close together as possible. I smiled. Titanic truly was the ship of dreams …

"I … I have to get to work", Jack finally had to interrupt the silence. He took my hand. "Tomorrow I will talk to your uncle", he told me. Of course … Will had no idea about our future plans. And I wasn't sure how he would take it. He tolerated our relationship, but …

"He is on duty at the moment", I remembered. "Let me find him and talk to him first." "Okay", Jack nodded, as he lovingly squeezed my hand.

In the wireless room, Bride was busy working. "Three iceberg warnings", he told us when he saw us coming. "And all of them just in the course of this afternoon."

I stood still, looking at Jack to see if I had to be scared now. But he was just smiling.

"Don't worry", he soothed me. "That is quite common for this time of the year."

"I've heard the Captain already ordered to change course more south", Bride added. I nodded, ignoring the feeling of fear inside me. Jack got to work, Bride disappeared into their bedroom. Jack watched me leave. I think that was the first and only time that I had ever seen Jack not paying attention to his work. The look in his blue eyes was so full of … love, of hope. I will never forget it.

I couldn't sleep that night. I was sitting in my cabin, trying to read or thinking about how I should tell Will that I would marry Jack. What if he was against our marriage? What, if he found out about Kathleen Rex? It was nearly midnight, when I went outside again. It was freezing cold and dark. Except the members of the crew on duty, there was no one to be seen.

"Aren't you inside, celebrating?", I heard Moody's voice behind me. I turned to him. "What celebrating?", I asked, confused. Moody walked up to me.

"Due to our travelling with full speed, we will arrive in New York earlier than expected and set a new record. Ismay's delighted, of course."

He shook his head, as he looked out into the dark night. "We are at the most dangerous part of our journey and they are inside throwing a party …"

"You mean the iceberg warnings", I said.

"Lightoller just talked to your uncle", Moody replied. "We are all on constant lookout now." I shivered and this time I wasn't from the cold. Moody must have noticed my scared look, because he smiled. "No reason to be afraid", he soothed me. "Nothing has happened yet and we are all –" But I should never find out, what Moody had wanted to say. Because at this moment the bell of the crow's nest was ringing, the sound hollowing in the cold night. Three times. Even I knew what that meant. Danger, right in front of the ship.

Moody looked up. "What the …", he murmured, as he started towards the bridge, I a shadow behind him. I wanted to say something, to ask what was going on, when the phone of the bridge rang. Moody, completely calm, answered.

"Is anybody there?", I instantly heard the voice of the lookout, Frederick Fleet, shouting through, sounding slightly panicked.

"Yes", Moody replied, his face showing no emotion, except that his voice was a bit shaky. "What do you see?"

And then, Fleet's voice again, contorted with fear.

"Iceberg, right ahead!"

Moody swallowed. "Thank you", he replied, his voice a strange pitch. I watched him put down the receiver, wanting to run outside to call the officer in charge, when Will suddenly came storming inside, his eyes wide open, his face wild like I had never seen it before, as he shouted to Robert Hitchens, the helmsman: "Hard to starboard!" He must have seen the iceberg at the same time that Fleet had. His Scottish accent echoed in the room. He ran outside again, shouting to Moody: "Full speed back!" I was behind him. Will was standing at the rail, looking ahead into the darkness, shivering with tension. I followed his gaze. And then I saw it. A long shape, huge in the darkness, right in front of us. It was the iceberg. It was enormous, as tall as the ship itself. Getting nearer and nearer.

"Helm's hard over sir!", I heard Hitchen's voice shouting. Will gave no sign of having heard this. He was looking at the iceberg as if mesmerised, his nails digging into the wooden rail as he was counting the seconds. Why weren't we turning?

I felt a strange sinking sensation. It was as if I would have left my body, looking from the outside. This could not be happening … This must be a nightmare, it just couldn't be true … It felt so unreal …

"Come on, come on", I heard Will mutter beside me. "Turn, turn ….!" And then, slowly, as if in a dream, I could see Titanic turn away from the iceberg, away from the danger. Will looked up, his eyes burning. "Yes!"

But it was too late. Titanic had reached the iceberg. Now, everything happened very quickly. I suddenly felt as if the ship would have been lifted out of its original position. My feet lost contact to the ground for a second, as Titanic seemed to be lifted in the air. I grabbed the railing so that I wouldn't fall down. The ship was rocking slightly.

"Hard to port!", Will shouted next to me. He ran back into the bridge. I stayed, looking with eyes wide open in fear, as we passed the iceberg like a huge wall made up of ice. I imagined to hear a screeching sound, coming from underneath me. The sound of metal being cut open … I knew that at this very moment, Will was closing all the watertight doors.

As quickly as it happened, everything seemed to be over again. Titanic got back in her normal position and went on as if nothing would have happened. The iceberg disappeared behind us in the dark night. It hadn't even lasted a minute …

I ran back to Will, who ran his hands trough his hair. Despite the cold, they were wet with sweat. "Note the time and enter it into the log", he told Moody.

"Did … did we miss it?", I managed to ask, knowing I sounded stupid. "I don't know", Will murmured. "I don't know …" He turned to face me. "Are you alright?", he asked. I nodded.

"What was that, Mr. Murdoch?" Captain Smith arrived at the bridge. Will didn't look at him as he answered. "An iceberg, Sir." His voice had a sound that I had never heard before. "I ordered hard to starboard and then tried to portround it, but she hit … It was all I could do …" Smith's stare went cold when he heard the fatal word "iceberg".

"Sir?" Boxhall, who had noticed the collision, came running to the bridge, an anxious look on his face. "All machines stop!", Smith ordered, before turning to Murdoch. "Get the carpenter to sound the ship!" He looked to Boxhall. "I want our exact position in ten minutes", he said. "And go find Wilde and Mr. Andrews", he ordered Moody. They all nodded and left running. I turned to follow the Captain, when Will grabbed my hand.

"In case anything happens", he whispered. "You know what you have to do, don't you? You remember what Mr. Andrews has told you about the lifeboats?" I looked into his eyes. He was dead serious.

"Yes", I replied, my voice sounding strangely hollow. "I remember." Will guessed my thoughts. "Don't let your feelings for him make you stay", he told me. "Phillips wouldn't want you to risk your life for him." I didn't answer. Will left, I followed Captain Smith. I knew where he was going …

He opened the door to the wireless room. I saw Jack, working, Bride beside him, wearing blue pyjamas. Normally, I would have found this funny, but now… They were talking, but stopped when they saw us entering.

"Make yourself ready to send a CQD", Smith ordered them. "But do not send one until I tell you so! We have hit an iceberg and I have to see first what it has done to us." Without another explanation, he left. I saw Bride, looking at Jack, scared. "Blimey!" Jack wrote something into his notebook, not saying a word. "Jack!", I wanted to scream. He would be the first to have to stay here if the ship indeed had been damaged. No matter how hard …

Boxhall's voice interrupted my thoughts. "The post room is already under water", he said, his face pale in the night. "Thank you." Will's voice. The officers were standing at the bridge. Without a word I stood beside Will and followed him, when they all went to Captain Smith's cabin. Everyone looked anxious and scared.

Smith, Wilde and Mr. Andrews were the last to arrive. Mr. Andrews looked as if he would be screaming inside, his hands shaking and a strange, broken look in his eyes. Smith noticed me beside Will.

"You shouldn't be here, Miss", he said. "You don't have to hear that." Will stood up for me. "With all due respect, Sir", he replied. "But June is my niece. Whether she hears it now, or I tell her afterwards, she will know." Without another word, Smith turned to Mr. Andrews.

He put a blueprint of his ship on the table. "There is water in the first five compartments", he said, every word giving him pain. "She could stay afloat with the first four compartments flooded, but not five, not –"

"What is with the watertight doors?", Lightoller wanted to know. Mr. Andrews shook his head desperately. "They were not constructed for a case like this", he said, runing his fingers through his hair. "The water gets from one compartment to the next, there is no stopping it."

"The pumps?", Moody tried to suggest, but Mr. Andrews only laughed bitterly. "That will only buy us time", he answered. "Not more than a few minutes." His hands were shaking, as he looked down to the blueprint.

"It doesn't matter what we do now", he said, almost to himself. "Titanic will founder."

My hand grabbed for Will's. I looked over to Captain Smith. Within the last thirty minutes, this proud, strong man had been completely broken. Everything, his greatness, seemed to have vanished, destroyed like his ship together with the iceberg. Yet, he seemed calm, as he voiced the question that no one here dared to ask.

"How much time do we have left?"

Mr. Andrews didn't look up as he answered. "One hour. Two at most."

Moody crossed himself, Boxhall went pale as a ghost and Pitman started to tremble. Smith turned to Will, Lightoller and Wilde. "Get the passengers", he ordered. "Tell them that there is an emergency practice … But make sure that everything stays quiet, we do not want panic breaking out." Everybody knew what he meant. There were only lifeboats for half of the people on this ship and we were surrounded by water that was freezing cold. Half of the people on this ship would not live to see the next sunrise.

"What is going on here?" Bruce Ismay, dressed in a red bathrobe and pyjamas, entered the room, looking angrily at the shocked faces around him. "What is all this nonsense about having hit an iceberg that the carpenter told me? And why have we stopped?"

Mr. Andrews answered. "We have stopped because we have hit an iceberg and are sinking." His voice was quiet and sharp as a razor blade. Ismay was silent for second. "But this is impossible!", he then said, sounding very much like a spoiled child. "This is the Titanic, she can't sink!"

"Stay one more hour and you will see that she does", Mr. Andrews replied coldly, adding grimly: "But you might want to see your precious headlines." Ismay looked at him, trying to say something but ended up only opening and closing his mouth like a fish.

Smith left. I knew what he would do now. He would tell Jack and Bride to send distress calls to every ship that could hear us … Jack! I wanted to run, but Will was faster and grabbed my hand.

"Are you going him?", he wanted to know. "I, I have to!", I stammered. "I have to see him, I have to make sure that he is okay, that –"

"Phillips has to fullfill his duty as a wireless operator!", Will reminded me through gritted teeth. "And I will make sure that you will sit in one of these lifeboats, as you should." His eyes grew hard. "I will not leave you here to die."

I shook my head, trying to free myself from his grips. "I can't just leave him", I whispered. "Please understand … Will … What would you do if this would be Ada?"

Will let go of me at the mention of his wife's name. "Go", he said, a sound in his voice that I had never heard before. "Go and say goodbye." He was still looking at me. "But come back, do you understand?"

I nodded. "Yes", I replied and kissed Will on the cheek. "Thank you!" And I ran, ran to the wireless room. There, Jack was still sitting, working, Bride in his pyjamas next to him. Both were laughing, although Bride looked rather pale and frightened.

"What is it?", I asked, confused by their laughters. "We just noticed that J.P Morgan will lose a lot of money tonight", Jack replied, never stopping to type. I noticed the sound of the distress call CQD. "Have you reached anyone yet?", I asked hopefully. "Reached, yes", Bride answered. "There are normally many ship on the Atlantic at this time, the problem is that they are often too far away to come here quickly."

"We will find one", Jack promised. I hoped he was right …

"Maybe we should try that new distress call?", Bride suddenly suggested. "SOS?" He chuckled, despite his obvious fear. "It may be our only chance to use it."

Jack laughed and even I couldn't help myself but giggle. It seemed so surreal …

"Okay, but first do me a favour my lad and go put on some clothes", Jack replied.  
"Oh, yes", Bride said, self-consciously. He disappeared in their bedroom.

"Why was he wearing his pyjamas anyway?", I asked, trying to distract myself. "He wanted to release me a bit earlier tonight, so that I could get some sleep", Jack answered. He looked still tired and exhausted, yet his eyes were alert and he was smiling, a cigarette as usual between his lips and his fingers were quick as always. "But I guess sleep is now out of the question." Something flickered in his eyes. I remembered what Jack had told me on our first date. That the only thing he was afraid of were icebergs.

"Hey." I gently put my arms around him. Jack put his free left hand on mine. "Hey", he replied softly. "I thought you were already gone."

"What do you mean?", I asked, trying to play dumb. "You know exactly what I mean." For the first time this night, Jack turned to face me, fixing me with his blue eyes. "This is not a game", he said slowly. "This ship is going to sink and when it does I want to know you're safe. I want you to go the lifeboats and save yourself."

I didn't answer. "But you are going to stay here", I said. Jack smiled, touching my cheek. He guessed what I was thinking. That I wouldn't leave without him. "Don't worry about me", he told me. "I am tough, I'll get by. Don't risk your life for me, June!" For a few seconds I saw fear flickering in his eyes. "I couldn't bear to lose you …" I kissed him gently. Jack closed his eyes. "You won't …", I promised. "Okay …"

Bride came back, dressed again in his uniform. At the same moment, the wireless started to sing. A message! Jack and Bride hurried to the machine.

"From the Carpathia!", Jack told us. "Isn't Cottam there?", Bride asked. Jack nodded and smiled. "He wants to know if everything is okay. I think we should tell him …" He began typing furiously. Ten minutes later, the reply came.

"They are coming!" Jack told us. "They have changed course and are now with full speed on the way to us."

"But this this great!", I said, clinging desperately to this piece of positive news. "They will help us!" Bride lowered his head in defeat. "Yes, but when?", he said. I looked to Jack, who explained. "The Carpathia is miles away from us and not nearly as fast. Even if they do travel at full speed, they won't be here for another four hours at least. And until then everything you see will lie at the bottom of the ocean." Bride coughed, trying to hide his fear at these words. "So what do we do now?", I asked. "Hoping that we will reach a ship nearer to us", Jack replied simply. Of course. What else was there to do?

I decided to go outside to see what was happening. It still looked as if nothing would be wrong. The officers were standing near the lifeboats, trying to get women from the first class to get into the boats. "But we're not making much progress", Lowe said. "Either they don't believe us, or it's just too cold for them." Just a group of young girls about my age were having fun by getting into the lifeboats, giggling and calling to the other passengers "See you at breakfast!"

"Your uncle is looking for you", Moody, who was working with Lowe at the lifeboats, told me. "I think he wants you to get into a boat." I sighed. "I know." But I would not leave without Jack. I could not.

Moody knew what I was thinking. "This is madness, June", he said, shaking his head. "This is a death trap and if you stay here you will die, you know that as well as I do."

"I can't just leave him behind", I replied. "And not just him, Will, Bride, you … My family is here, you cannot expect me to abandon my family!" Moody sighed, but I knew I had won. He understood. After all, he would have done exactly the same. "Staying close to those who you love is a noble thing", he replied. "But don't let it make you die a useless death." "I won't!", I promised him. I haven't given up yet! There was still hope that we might all come out of this alive. I went back to Jack and Bride. "The Olympic is on her way", Jack told me, adding. "She won't be here any faster than the Carpathia though". From outside, we suddenly heard the noise of a shot. Light signals that were being shot in the air to make ships near us aware of our position.

Bride flinched at the sound. "Damn it!", he murmured, forcing a smile. His face was even paler than usual and his eyes had lost their brightness. Jack chuckled and gave him a small silver box. "Take a gum", he recommended. "Calms the nerves." Bride shook his head. "It's nothing", he lied. "I'm fine."

Suddenly, Jack started to curse, using words that he normally definetly wouldn't have used in my presence. "These idiots!" "What is wrong?", I asked him apprehensively. I had never seen Jack losing his patience before. "It's the Frankfurt", Jack replied. "They keep receiving our distress calls and really, what is so hard to understand about the words "iceberg" and "need immediate asistance"? But all they keep answering is "Are you alright"? Oh yes, everything's great, we're just sinking …" He was interrupted by he sound of his pencil falling down from the table.

"What?" I looked down to it. "How did it fall from the table?", Bride managed to ask. Jack didn't stop typing as he answered. "We are gaining list", he said simply. "We are going down by the head and the front part of the ship can't take all the water anymore." Bride and I were spared a reply as Captain Smith entered the room. He didn't even seem to notice I was there. "Any news?" "At the moment the Carpathia will be the first to arrive here", Jack told him. He didn't need to mention that it still wouldn't be fast enough. "But the Olympic is also on her way. They've all assured us to come." Smith nodded. "Sir, how much time do we have left?" Jack's words were out before I could have asked them. Bride, who had been staring gloomily at the machine, looked up. "According to Mr. Bell with the amount of water we are taking in, maybe a bit more than one hour", Smith replied. Jack, not showing any sign of fear, began typing again, telling every ship that could hear us this dreadful news. I followed the Captain outside.


	7. Chapter 7

On deck, all officers were busy lowering the life boats. I noticed that more passengers than before were standing on deck, some muttering anxiously to each other, others looking scared, even lining up before the lifeboats. The band was standing outside, playing ragtime.

"Just women and children!", Lightoller ordered, as some men tried pushing a group of women out of their way. He gestured to a woman, who was standing near the boat with her son and husband. "Mam." She moved forward, together with the son, a boy of approximately thirteen years. Lightoller stopped him. "Just women and children!", he repeated, looking at the boy. The woman went pale. "Don't be absurd!", his father snapped, pushing his son gently forward and past Lightoller to the boat. "Of course he is going with his mother!" Grumbling, Lightoller helped mother and son into the lifeboat. A few metres away I saw Lowe, who was supervising the lowering of another boat. But the sailors inside obviously weren't prepared for a case like this. "We cannot find the cork!", they complained, before Lowe's angry voice came thundering down. "It is your bloody duty to find it!"

I had seen enough. I went back inside the wireless room. I only needed to look at Bride to know that there was no news. The Carpathia would be here fastest. And it would be too late. "I don't believe it!", Jack suddenly cursed. "The Frankfurt again!" He shook his head. "That does it!" He began typing furiously. "Idiots, keep out! Am in contact with Carpathia and you are interrupting our connection!" "We can still find another ship", I said, not wanting to give up hope yet.

"Do you really think so?", Bride asked, a strange tone in his voice. "We are in the middle of the Atlantic, surrounded by freezing cold water without enough lifeboats. It is past midnight, which means that most of the wireless operators on other ships are asleep and won't hear us. It is mere luck if we can reach a ship or not. And even if we do, when they arrive here there will be no Titanic left to safe anymore. So what else is there that we can do?" I was speechless.

"Hey, sunshine", Jack replied, smiling again. "Please do me a favour and try to control your good mood before it starts to affect others." Bride immediately calmed down. "I'm sorry!" "There is still hope!", I consoled him.

But I had to admit, I was starting to get scared myself. What if Bride was right? What would happen to him, to Will, to Moody? To Jack … I knew that he would never abandon his work as long as he thought that there was something he could do. He wouldn't just walk away. Jack would stay. And I wouldn't leave his side.

Bride disappeared into their room, trying to get a warmer coat and boots, I stayed with Jack. He wasn't looking at me, but I knew what he was thinking, when he said: "You know, you really shouldn't be here anymore." I shook my head. "I am not going without you!", I said, determination in every syllable. "This really isn't the time to proof your stubborness to me", Jack just replied. "Do you want to get yourself killed?" He turned his head, to face me with his blue eyes. "Don't stay here because of me!" "Then promise me that you won't stay here either!" Before I knew it, I was in his Jack's arms. The sound of the chaos outside seemed to disappear as he kissed me gently. "No matter what happens tonight", he whispered, "I will always be with you, my love." "Good …"

Bride returned, wearing winter boots and a coat and also carrying a coat for Jack. I went outside to see what was going on. I noticed a crowd of people, standing near the already full lifeboat 14 and trying to get into it. Lowe, in charge of the lifeboat tried to keep it under control. "Stay back!", he shouted. "Everybody stay back!" A woman in the boat was pushed and bumped into him. Lowe turned and saw her face. Suddenly he grabbed her and rudely pushed her out of the boat. Some women shouted. I watched shocked, as she fell to the ground and almost screamed when her hair seemed to fall of. Until I noticed that it wasn't hair but a scarf. I realised that the person wasn't a woman, but a young man, who had tried to get into the boat by dressing himself up. That was the reason why Lowe had thrown him out of the boat.

"Please, sir", the poor boy begged. "Act like a man!", Lowe replied, apparently disgusted at his behaviour. "There are still women and children!" Then I saw something silver sparkling in his hands. And recognised it. Lowe was carrying a gun. I had known he had one, but I would have never thought he would use it. Now, he was pointing it at the man. A little girl, obviously frightened, pulled Lowe at his coat.

"Please sir, don't shoot the mister, sir", she begged. Lowe smiled and shook his head. Then he turned to the crowd, still desperate to get into the lifeboat. "This is what will happen to anyone who tries to get into this boat!", he warned. The next second, he put his gun up and gave three shots into the cold air. It had the intended affect: Scared, the people started to get back, away from the lifeboat. I swallowed. Was this the end then? What was going to happen to us now?

I returned to the wireless room. Bride had managed to put a life vest and the coat around Jack, who was working feverishly. I realised that he hadn't slept for nearly more than 24 hours. Yet, he kept typing, trying to get help, doing everything in his power and unlike Bride or me, he never showed any sign of fear. He was so into his work, that I doubt he would have even remembered to put on a coat or a west, if Bride wouldn't have done it for him.

"Here, I have one for you too". Bride interrupted my thought by giving me a live west. I put it on over my coat. I was lucky I had chosen to wear my good winter dress tonight, so that at least for the moment, I was tolerably warm. I looked at Jack, sitting at the table and was frightened when I noticed that now you could definetly see that the ship was starting to sink by the head: The whole furniture in the room seemed to be in a weird and sloping position. Jack didn't bother putting his pencil on the table because it kept falling down. When I walked up to Jack, I stumbled and noticed that walking seemed to have become harder.

"Bride", Jack said, when he felt my hands on his shoulder. "Please do me the favour and find something boatlike for you and June so you can get away from here." "But –", Bride protested. "Now!", Jack interrrupted him. Bride stood still, as I gently grabbed Jack's chin to make him look at me. "I am not leaving with you still here!", I told him. "June, don't!"

Jack got up from his seat. Without a word, Bride took over for him. Jack pulled me gently in his arms. "You have to leave", he said. "You have to do this. For me. Don't think about what might happen to me. I am not going to stay here forever either." He smiled, trying to make all my thoughts disappear. "I will take another boat, later. And afterwards we'll all see each other again on the Carpathia."

"But what if –", I began, when Jack silenced me with a kiss. "I promise." I was silent. "I need you to go", Jack continued. "I can't concentrate as long as I know you're in danger. Only when I know you're safe I can work and try to save myself."

I listened to this with tears glistening in my eyes. Of course, my brain knew that he was right and it was madness to stay on Titanic for another second. But my heart screamed at the thought of Jack, still here alone when the ship was sinking. We couldn't stay here. "You have to keep your promises", I reminded Jack. He kissed me in response, pulling me as close to him as possible, his arms around me. Never had Jack kissed me like that. The fierceness frightened me, the hidden desperation behind it. As if Jack thought that this might be the last kiss we would get. He let his fingers run through my hair, before he released me gently. "Go", he said.

I felt strangely numb, as I watched Jack returning to his seat. Bride got up, looking as if he wanted to say something, but thought better. Finally, he turned and walked over to me. Neither of us dared to say goodbye to Jack. Saying it, would have made it final. I couldn't bear to look at him. Without noticing, I grabbed Brides hand. He squeezed in response. This was for him as hard as it was for me. He didn't want to abandon his best friend.

Together, we stepped outside, where I saw that the boats had become fewer and, most of all, more full. Even the last person had now realised that Titanic wasn't safe anymore and was now desperate to get away. The ship was turning downwards more and more, walking straight became harder every minute and for a short second I wondered if there even were still enough lifeboats for Bride and me. "Over there!", Bride suddenly said, leading me to a lifeboat which had still room for passengers. Will and Moody were there working. "June!", Will walked over to me, relieved. "I already thought I would have to drag you here. I was worried." He hugged me. "I'm fine", I assured him. Will looked pale in the darkness but he was smiling, trying to act calm and rational, although there was something different in his eyes, something that I couldn't quite place. He led Bride and me to the boat. "Now everything will be fine", I thought. "I will be safe, nothing can happen to me in there." But when I looked at the boat I suddenly felt as if I would be doing a terrible mistake. As if something was missing. I shouldn't be here, I had to stay …

Next to me, Bride kept looking back to the wireless room. "This isn't right", he was murmuring. Jack was still in there. Cold, alone and tired …

"Come one, June", Will said, reaching for my hand. "You first." But I couldn't. I just stood there, as if frozen in place, unable to move forward, even if I would have wanted to. I looked over to the lifeboat next to us. A sailor was trying to help an old woman I recognised as Ida Srauß in a boat. But she refused. "No, no, no", she said, clinging to the man beside her. "My husband and I have never once in our marriage been separated, I am not leaving him now" Isidor Strauß sighed. "Ida, darling", he said, but she silenced him by gently putting a hand on his mouth. "Now, don't you argue with me", she said. "You know that's no use!" Suddenly, Isidor Strauß smiled and grabbed the hands of his wife. "Alright", he replied. "We stay together." And then, without a word, they slowly turned away. Hand in hand, they walked back into the ship. The sailor just stood there and watched. But, what was there, that he could have done? This was love, a love that was stronger than death.

"We stay together." These last words kept echoing in my hand. Jack had told me the same thing. And now I was about to walk away …

"June", Will repeated, but I didn't listen. Right now, there were families, lovers, being torn apart. And I was thinking about Jack, telling me that he loved me. And then I knew what I had to do.

"June, hurry up!" Will impatiently held out his hand to me. But I never took it. "I can't", I whispered, looking at Will, seeing the fear in his face. "Forgive me." Will immediately knew what I was about to do. "No, June –" He tried to grab my hand, but I had already run away. I ran, past a completely surprised Bride, hearing Will calling my name. But I didn't care. I belonged with Jack. Even if this meant that I would die tonight.

I stumbled into the wireless room. "Jack!", I called, barely seeing anything through my tears. "June!" Jack was frightened, when he saw me. The next second, he was up nad cradling me in his arms. "What are you doing here?, he called, his voice desperate, as he looked at me with those beautiful eyes. "You promised, you said that you would save yourself, that you would get into a boat!" "I know", I sobbed, clinging to him, "I wanted to, but I couldn't. I was standing at the boat and I couldn't stop thinking about you and then I saw you and I just couldn't."

I looked up, my eyelashes wet from tears. "I love you, Jack!" He kissed my face. "I love you too …" "I'm sorry", I managed to say. Affectionately, Jack wiped a tear from my eyes. "It's okay", he replied, caressing my cheek. "We will think of something." He shook his head, smiling in desperation. "You are mad, you know that?" I had to laugh. "Come here …" Jack held me close to him. "Everything will be fine", he murmured into my hair. "We are together." "Yes …"

Jack returned to work. I could hear the ship creaking. The end was coming … "At least, Bride is safe now", I thought. He must be in a lifeboat by now. The same second, Bride came running and stumbling into the wireless room. "Bride?" Jack and I both said, completely taken aback. But there he was: Bride was trembling and shivering but a look of firm determination was on his face and his lips were drawn into a serene smile. "I am where you are, Jack", he said, for the first time adressing him by his first name. He was grinning bravely. "I am not going to let you get all the glory, am I?" For a few seconds Jack forgot his work, as he got up and hugged Bride like a brother. "Okay, Harold!" I kissed him on his cheek. Shortly, Bride looked at me. "It is one for all and all for one now", he tried to joke. And he was right. We had made our decision. We would stay together. Until the end.

Jack and Bride tried to keep the machines working. "The signal is getting weaker and weaker", Bride said anxiously. Jack nodded. "We don't have much time left."

I ran outside. There, apokalypse seemed to take place. People, terrified as they were, tried desperately to get into one of the last lifeboats and there still seemed to be hundreds of families with children. Where were the passengers from the third class? I saw Will, helping a girl and her mother into a boat. He stopped when he noticed me.

"I thought you would be with Jack", he said. "I am", I replied. "I wanted to see how you are." I looked at Will. He was so tall, so great. When you were with him, it seemed as if there was nothing that could hurt you. But now we were here. And I was scared for Will as much as for Jack. What if something happened to him?

Will guessed my thoughts. "Don't be sad for those whose time has come", he said gently. "I have been blessed in my life. All I ever dreamed of has become true, there is nothing that I could want that I don't already have. No one has to feel sorry for me."

"Will …" I hugged him, ignoring the horrible feeling that this would be the last embrace. "We'll get through this …"

We separated when I saw out of the corner of my eyes Thomas Andrews walking away from the lifeboats, back into the ship. He had been here all the time, helping the officers to get the passengers into the lifeboats. The ship he had created would sink. I was wondering what he was feeling. He didn't seem to notice me, as I ran to him. "Mr. Andrews!" The sound of my voice made him turn around. "June!" He was shocked. "You really shouldn't be here anymore!" I followed his gaze. "And you shouldn't go back into the ship." Mr. Andrews smiled, but it was a smile that broke your heart.

"I am sorry I didn't build you a stronger ship, little June", he said. I shook my head. "No …" I watched, as Mr. Andrews turned to walk away. "This is not your fault", I said slowly. "You don't have to do this." Mr. Andrews looked at me sadly. "Good luck to you, little June", he said. I hugged him. "To you too." I watched him leave. It should be the last time that I would ever see Thomas Andrews again.

In the wireless room, Jack and Bride were busy keeping everything working. This was made more difficult because by now, standing had become hard and I had to lean against the door frame. Panic was starting to break out outside and I could feel that Jack and Bride grew more hectic every second. This was not going to last much longer …

Captain Smith entered the wireless cabin. A broken man, he looked at Jack and Bride and said: "Boys it's enough. You have done your duty, I release you from your post." I swallowed hard. Neither Jack nor Bride answered. "There is nothing you can do", the captain continued. "Now it is every man for himself", he muttered. "That is how it goes at times like these …" With this he disappeared, out of the wireless room and out of my life. In the meantime, Bride was trying to gather their most important belongings. A picture, of Jack's mother and his two sisters that he always took with him when he was away working, a bit money. "Stupid, I know", Bride admitted. "It's not as if this could save us now …"

Outside I could still hear the music of the band, who would keep playing until the bitter end, but now there were new noises. Screams and shouts. Panic was breaking out. There were still so many people on board … I looked at Bride and saw that he was trying to fight down a panic attack himself. What was going to happen to us now? Was this really the way it would end? Would we maybe never see the Carpathia? I've never given much thought to how I would die, or if there was something as an afterlife. But now here, trapped on a sinking ship, I started to wonder how it would feel to die. If it was calm and peaceful or pain beyond imagination.

"The signal's getting weaker!", Bride called to Jack. They were working, even now, Jack's coat forgotten on the floor. Jack didn't answer. Instead, there was a new noise. The gurgling of water. The sea had reached the wireless room. "Jack …", I grabbed his arm. Bride gasped. It was over.

"We have to get out", Jack said. "Now!" He didn't need to say it twice. Together, we stumbled outside, surrounded by hundreds of people, of families, that were still on the ship. It's front side was now entirely under water, the stern starting to rise into the dark spring air. I saw Will, trying to make the collapsible A ready to be lowered into the sea and trying to control the crowd of passengers that already tried to get into it. On the other side, sailors were making the collapsible B ready, but you could see that they had no idea what they were doing. "They need help", Bride called to us, running to them.

"Come on", Jack took my hand. "We have to stay out of the water for as long as possible", he told me. "We have to get aft." I nodded, turning away from Bride and Will. I didn't want to leave them here …

Then, out of the corner of my eyes, I saw it: A huge wave, rushing across the deck. Directly towards collapsible A and B. It happened so fast, that there was no time to react. I only saw Bride's eyes, wide open in fear, as the wave swallowed him. Will tried to hold on to the collapsible A, but it was already too late. He disappeared in the wave, his dark hair the last thing I saw.

"No! Will! Bride!" I was screaming, shivering with shock and if Jack wouldn't have held my hand, I would have run straight back. No, this couldn't be true, not Will, not my father again, not Bride, who was still so young … Not them! Tears ran down my face as Jack dragged me forward, but I noticed that he too had tears in his eyes.

Around us people seemed to be everywhere. Panic had broken out, there were screams, children clinging to their terrified mothers. How was it that there still seemed to be so many people left on the ship? In the distance I could hear the band playing.

People were following us, desperate to stay away from the deadly cold water. The hole front part of Titanic was now under water, the stern rising into the dark spring night. Walking was nearly impossible, I slipped and stumbled but Jack firmly held my hand and kept me going.

Even the crew members had abandoned their posts by now. There was nothing more they could do, except to try and save their lifes. "Moody!" I had thought he would have been gone by now, the youngest ship officer on board but he was still here, clinging to the rail so he wouldn't slip and fall back into the water. He smiled when he saw us. "I thought I would see you two again", he said, as we managed to get over to him. Behind us, I heard a priest recite the Ave Maria. Jack shook his head. "This is no use", he said. "We'll never make it aft, the ship will have sunk before we get there." As if to emphasise his words, suddenly all the lights on the ship went out. Jack looked at me quickly. "We have to jump."

"What?" I looked down into dark, almost black water. I didn't like this idea …

"It is our only chance", Jack replied. I knew he was right. Moody was the first. He showed me how to sit on the rail, without falling and helped me up, together with Jack.

"When we jump", Jack told me, his voice calm and clear to keep me from panicking. "The suction of the ship will pull us down. You have to swim and try to get to the air, do you understand?" I could only nod. Jack's eyes met mine. "No matter what happens", he said. "Try to save yourself and get to a lifeboat, okay?" "Okay .." I tried not to hear the screams and cries. Jack grabbed my hand. He was smiling. "It's going to be okay", he promised. "Trust me." I squeezed his hand. "I trust you." I was thinking about Will and Bride. Where were they? Were they dead? Maybe they were dying this very moment …

Titanic let out a deep, terrifying groan. "Now!" I heard Jack scream. The next second, I was in the cold water.

It was worse than I had expected. I felt as if a boxer would have hit me in the chest, the water was that cold. I couldn't breath, I couldn't think, just feeling the pain of thousand little needles stinging into my body. Behind me I heard the rumbling of the sinking Titanic.

Suddenly my survival instincts took over. I started to kick with my legs and arms, desperate to get up to the air. Finally, I made it. And found myself surrounded by what seemed to me then hundreds of people. Passengers, crew members, men, women and children who hadn't made it into a boat. They were screaming for help, their calls united to one big cry. It was the most horrible noise I have ever heard in my life. I still hear it sometimes in my sleep. But none of the lifeboats would return. Only one …

"Jack!", I screamed too, panicking when I didn't see him. "Jack! Moody!"

"June!" Jack's face appeared before me, his blue eyes shining in the darkness. I squeezed his hand, relieved to see him alive. "Where is Moody?", I asked. "I don't know …"

"Moody!", we called, a sick feeling in my stomach. But there was no answer … I never saw James Moody again.

A terrible noise made me look back to the ship. And I saw the chimney. The chimneys of Titanic were rising high into the cold air, but the ship could no longer support their weight. The first chimney was crashing down. Like a terrible, gigantic monster it was falling into the sea, crushing everything underneath. I heard people scream and clung closer to Jack as I watched the chimney hitting the water. The next second, a tidal wave hit us. I could only hold on to Jack, as it carried us away from Titanic. In the distance, I could see the once so beautiful ship disappear.

"We have to get out of the water!", Jack called to me. "Come on." Only then did I notice that we weren't far away from the collapsible B. It was lying upside down in the water and people, mostly crew members of Titanic were standing on it, trying not to fall back into the sea. There was hardly any more room when Jack and I reached the boat. Jack helped me up first, before he followed me. Panting and gasping for air we lay down, not able to stand up. Until now, my survival instincts had kept me going, pumping adrenaline into my body. But now, lying there, I started to feel the icy cold, like a watery glove around me and somehow I must have injured my knees when jumping down Titanic.

Jack was lying next to me, holding my hand. He was trembling and looking back now, I know he must have been even colder than I was because he was still only wearing his thin uniform. Yet, he managed to smile, as he looked at me.

"It's okay now", he said, trying to sooth me. "We're safe and the Carpathia will be here soon."

"Yes …" I could barely talk, my teeth were chattering so hard. I wanted to squeeze Jack's hand, but I was stiff with cold. I just wanted to lie there and sleep. Sleep … What if I wouldn't make it? I felt drained, tired. Maybe I would never see the Carpathia …

"I was always wondering", I whispered to Jack, "When I die, if I would see my parents again. If they're waiting for me …"

"Stop it!", Jack interrupted me in a fearful command. His blue eyes searched mine. "You are not dying tonight!", he said firmly. "Not here, not like this …"

I managed to kiss him on his hand. "Okay", I promised.

Jack smiled, his lips blue from the cold. "You have to hold on", he told me. I nodded, as I looked into his face. Jack seemed almost white in the darkness, and he could barely keep his eyes open. I remembered how tired and exhausted he must be. It had been too much for him…

"You have to hold on too", I reminded him. "Jack …" He shook his head. "Don't worry", he said softly. "I feel great."

I had to smile. "You're not supposed to lie", I told him. "I'm not." I saw something sparkling in Jack's eyes. "I am with you ..." I managed to move closer to him.

"It's so quiet", I whispered. The screams had stopped, only here and there did I hear a faint cry or the voices of some of the people with us on the collapsible B. "It's like a grave …"

"I told you, you wouldn't forget this journey", Jack tried to joke. But I could see the tiredness and cold in his eyes. "When you're on the Carpathia, you should write a book about this", he said, struggling to get the words out. I noticed the way he only seemed to be talking about me. A terrible fear started to take hold of me.

"But you have to come with me", I said, tears in my eyes. "We will get married and be together for the rest of our lives …" Jack didn't answer. A tear escaped my eyes. "How could I live without you?"

Jack gently touched my cheek. "I will always be with you", he reminded me. "Wherever you are, whenever you need me …" He smiled, his voice barely more than a whisper. "I love you so much, June", he told me, his eyes bright like blue lights in the dark. "You are my unexpected angel. I will be forever grateful that you bumped into me on that day. To be loved by you was the only dream that really mattered in my life. I was blessed with having you by my side." He paused for a moment, as if he needed to gather his strength to say all he had to say. "But now you have to promise me something, my love."

I nodded, not able to say something. "That you will always follow your dreams and live a full and happy life. That you will become a writer and marry a nice man and have kids and grandchildren …"

"I can't", I replied, smiling through my tears. "You are the nicest man I know." Jack gently squeezed my hand. "You have to find someone else", he said. "I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "No … Jack …" I was choking. "I can't be without you …"

"Yes, you can", Jack interrupted me. "You are strong, much stronger than me. You'll be fine …

He smiled as he wiped away one of my tears. "Just don't forget me, okay?"

I shook my head, crying silently. "Can you promise me this, June?" Somehow, I managed to nod. "I promise, Jack …"

"Good." His face relaxed. "And now, now kiss me. Hold me close …"

I kissed him desperately, my tears falling on his cheek, my hand on his chest. "I love you, Jack …" I felt his cold lips on mine. I leaned my head against his shoulder, closing my eyes, Jack's free hand shortly touching my hair. Yes, the Carpathia would be here soon …

By now it had become completely still. We were a few metres away from the other lifeboats and no one seemed to want to talk. I was thinking about Will and Bride and Moody. Where were they? Had they gone down with the ship? Would they be forever lying in the wet sailor's grave?

I was lying on the collapsible B, facing the black sky. "It's so dark", I whispered. "Everything seems black …" I looked beside me to Jack. "Jack …" He didn't answer. His eyes were closed. For a short second, I thought he was sleeping. He looked peaceful. Calm.

"Jack!" I touched his shoulder. His skin was cold and white as marble. "Jack!" He didn't move. Suddenly I felt sick. "Jack!" Panic in my voice, I shook his shoulder with all the strength I still had left. "Jack, wake up, please!", I croaked, tears running down my face. "Please … Jack!" But he never answered.

I can't remember what I felt when I realised that Jack Phillips was dead. I felt numb, cold. As if I would be freezing from the inside. I couldn't feel my heart beating, I seemed to have stopped breathing. I couldn't think, I couldn't feel. I heard someone whispering Jack's name, until I realised it was me. I leaned my head against his, Jack's hand still wrapped around mine. I closed my eyes.

I had lost Will. I had lost Bride. But Jack … that was too much. I clung to his body, not wanting to feel anything anymore. I only wanted to lie here with Jack until eternity, not caring what would happen to me. I felt his hair, icy and cold from the freezing water. What did it matter if I died too? At least then I would be with Jack …

I am still not sure whether I fell asleep or not, but the following hours felt as if I would be dreaming. Images, of Will and Bride appeared before my eyes, images from my childhood visits to Will and Ada. And Jack, above all Jack. His blue eyes were like lights in the dark. Looking back now, I think these lights really were light signals, Boxhall sent off for the Carpathia to find us. But I wasn't able to see them. I never noticed when the Carpathia arrived shorly after sunrise. Like from a great distance I imagined to hear shouts and calls, shadows were moving past Jack and me.

Suddenly, one of these shadows was kneeling down beside us. A hand was on my face and arm. "She's alive!", I heard a familiar voice murmur. "I need blankets over here!" it shouted. "Quick!"

A huge, tall figure leaned over me, gently tapping my face. Finally, I recognised the person before me. "June, can you hear me?", Lightoller asked, looking anxious. "Jack ...", I whimpered. Lightoller shortly looked at Jack. He understood in a second.  
"Come on", he said softly, carefully taking me in his arms. "I'll get you away from here."

He tried to yank my hand free from Jack's, which was made difficult because our hands seemed to have frozen together in the course of the night and he didn't want to hurt me, and because I was desperately clinging to Jack's body, not wanting to leave him. Lightoller noticed. "Come now, love", he said sympathetically. "That's no use anymore …"

Finally, he managed to get me free, putting blankets around me. He carried me away in his arms. I watched the two sailors that had brought the blanket, leaning over Jack. They talked for a second, until I saw as they carried him to the edge of the boat and slowly let his body sink into the water. I watched as his head disappeared beneath the waves. It was the last thing I ever saw of Jack Phillips.

I don't remember how I got onto the Carpathia. Suddenly I was standing on deck, looking around me. Everything seemed strangely blurred and shadowy. I noticed Boxhall, shivering with cold and so exhausted he could barely keep his eyes open. Lowe was standing next to him.

I felt as if I would be breaking down from the inside, crumbling like dust. I didn't want this … I didn't want to see, to hear … to feel. I just wanted to sleep and forget everything that ever was.

Behind me, I heard the sound of something hitting the cold floor of the deck. I turned round. A person was lying there, surrounded by sailors who took him to bring him to the ship doctor. I noticed his face. It was Bride. He was trembling from fever and something seemed to be wrong with his feet. Bride …

Suddenly, Lightoller was holding me again. I felt him taking me in his arms as everything around me went black. I knew no more.

"How is she?" Lowe's Welsh accent got through a thick, dark mist. "She is fine at the moment", another, unfamiliar voice replied. "Some light frostbites on her right hand and injuries on her legs and knees, but nothing to be worried about. The poor thing had more than one guardian angel last night …"

Angel … Jack! A pain shot through me and everything went black again.


	8. Chapter 8

"June? June, can you hear me?" Boxhall's voice, clear and much too loud, came to my ears. Slowly, I opened my eyes. Boxhall and Lowe were sitting beside me, looking at me apprehensively. They seemed pale and tired, but relieved to see me awake. I was lying in a bed, covered by warm blankets. My right hand was bandaged. "Where, where am I?", I managed to ask, confused. I tried to sit up.

"You're safe", Boxhall soothed me, gently pushing me back onto the bed. "We're on the Carpathia."

"You've been unconscious for the last day", Lowe told me. "We were worried."

"How do you feel?", Boxhall wanted to know. I just looked at him. I didn't know what to answer. In one night I had lost my love, my father, everything that meant something to me. What was there to say?

"How are the others?", I asked instead. "Lightoller, Pitman …"

"They're fine", Lowe assured me. "They are in the dining room, drinking tea."

"And Wilde?"

Boxhall and Lowe exchanged glances. They didn't need to answer. "Oh", I heard myself say. Wilde too …

I tried to remember something important. Something vital. Bride! If nothing in this world mattered anymore, he at least still did.

"How is Bride?", I asked. Boxhall and Lowe fell silent. I started to tremble. What if it had been too late, what if Bride had already been to weak when he came to the Carpathia? What if – I remembered him, unconscious on the deck. No, no please, not him too!

"He's fine", Boxhall finally answered. "He was in pretty bad shape, but the doctor is optimistic."

"I want to see him", I said, not looking up. At first, Boxhall and Lowe didn't want to let me go. "You need to rest", Lowe reminded me. "You're not strong enough right now", Boxhall added. "You should stay in bed." But I was determined. In the end, a nurse showed me to Bride's room.

"He's asleep right now", she told me. "How is he?", I asked. The nurse sighed. "He has frostbites on his toes and feet and some injuries on his knees", she replied. "We were also worried about his fever, but it is going down now. He won't be able to walk for a few weeks, but we're optimistic that with the right care and enough rest he's going to make a full recovery soon."

"That is good"; I said to myself. He would be fine …

The nurse opened the door for me. "The poor boy will feel better when he sees a friendly face when he wakes up", she said sympathetically. I stepped inside. At the other end of the room I saw a bed. There, underneath a pile of cushions and blankets lay Harold Bride. My heart made a short jump when I saw him. His face was white as freshly fallen snow. And how thin and fragile he looked!

I sat on the chair beside his bed. Bride was sleeping, the look of peaceful oblivion on his face. What would he say when he woke up and would learn that his best friend was dead? Or did he already know what happened to Jack? What was I to say to him?

"I'm so sorry, Bride", I whispered. "I should have been stronger, I should have saved Jack … I'm so sorry that I couldn't protect him …" I would have started to cry, when I suddenly heard a tiny voice say my name. "June …?"

"Bride!" I forced myself to smile, as I grabbed his hand. "You're awake! How do you feel?"

"Mangled", Bride replied, smiling weakly back at me. "But I'm better now." His brown eyes searched mine. "You're here …" I nodded. "I wanted to see you", I replied, although I knew what Bride really meant. That I was alive …

"But you're hurt!", Bride said, pointing to my bandaged hand. I quickly hid it in my lap. "It's nothing", I assured him. Bride's voice was trembling.

"I am so happy to see you", he managed to say. "When Jack … I thought you too would be …"

I shook my head. "I'm fine", I assured him. "Jack did … but not me …" It was all too much. Bride and I just sat there and wept.

When we finally had regained some control over us, I was able to ask the question which had been on my mind for some time.

"But how did you manage to survive?", I wanted to know from Bride. "I saw you getting hit by the wave, I thought you would be –"

"I thought so too", Bride admitted. "I don't know how I got through, honestly. I was lucky …" He began: "I just saw the wave and knew that I wouldn't be able to escape. Then I must have lost consciousness, because when I opened my eyes again, I was lying in the water, underneath the collapsible B."

I looked up. "Underneath?", I asked, shocked.

Bride nodded. "I was terrified", he said slowly and his eyes darkened as he remembered. "I just tried to breath normally, so I wouldn't panic. I don't know how long I was under the collapsible. It can't have been more than a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity. Somehow I managed to take a deep breath and dive out from under the boat. It was already full, so many people standing on it …" He paused for a second, trying to collect his thoughts.

"A young boy, a first class passenger helped me to get on to the boat. I must have been one of the last people to do so. There was hardly any space and I had to lie at the edge of the boat. I just lay there, completely exhausted, not caring what happened. The boy held me by the arms the whole night, so I wouldn't slip back into the water. I remember that my feet hurt terribly and when the Carpathia finally arrived, two sailors had to carry me because I couldn't walk."

He broke off suddenly. I noticed something strange in his eyes. Pain, pain and sorrow too strong to bear … "What is it?", I asked him.

Bride looked up, as if he would have forgotten me for a second. "Nothing!", he said quickly. I smiled. "You are really not a good liar", I told him.

Bride shook his head. "It's nothing", he assured me. "I don't want to bother you …"

"Bride", I took his hand. "We are friends", I reminded him. "You can tell me everything!"

Bride looked at my hand on his, then back at me. There were tears again in his eyes.

"When … when the sailors carried me to the Carpathia … I noticed that there was still a young man lying on the collapsible", he began slowly. "He didn't move and I recognised that he must have died during the night. I remember thinking how cold the poor devil must have been because he was only wearing his uniform." He paused, my face horrified as I understood.

"I didn't see his face until I was carried past him", Bride went on, his voice barely a whisper. "And then … oh June, I saw that it was Jack!" He shook his head, not wanting to start crying again. "That was the most horrible moment in my life", he said. "I don't think it can get worse than that. I didn't want to believe it …"

He broke off, not able to say more. I squeezed his hand. "I know", I replied, my voice sounding choked. "Me too."

Silently, we sat there, grieving for our love, our best friend. Jack …

We were interrupted by the nurse, who had come to check on Bride. When she pushed away his blankets, I flinched as I saw his feet. They were hidden by thick bandages. Bride noticed my look and assured me that it wasn't as bad as it seemed and that he had hardly any pain anymore. The nurse ushered me out of the room, as Bride needed rest. "Will you come and see me tomorrow?", he asked me before I left. I turned to him. "Of course."

I left, but I didn't want to sleep, so I went into the dining room. Over the last night, it had become something like a hospital for the survivors of the Titanic. I noticed Lowe and Boxhall, sitting together quietly in a corner. They looked miserable, just as I was feeling at the moment. I sat down beside them.

"I still can't believe it really happened", Boxhall murmured as if to himself.

"We don't even know what happened with the others", Lowe told me. "Captain Smith, Wilde, Moody … "

Boxhall stared into his tea cup. "All dead …", he murmured. "And Moody … the kid was just 24 …"

I didn't know what to say to this.

Later Lowe forced me to eat something and drink a cup of tea. "You need your strength", he told me. "Now more than ever!"

When I went to bed, the nurse gave a sleeping draught, so that I could sleep "without bad dreams". But no sleep could prevent the horrible seconds of waking up again. When I opened my eyes the next day, I felt for a short, a beautiful and terrible second, that everything had just been a nightmare. I almost looked beside me, expecting to see Jack lying there. But it wasn't a dream. I would never fall asleep in Jack Phillip's arms again. Never see his amazingly blue eyes, or hear his voice … Jack was gone. And I was here, left living.

The only thought that made me finally get out of bed was to see Bride again. Bride was the only one who managed to get through to me these days. He had known and loved Jack just as I had. He was the only one who could understand my pain.

I was relieved, when I found him in his room. Bride still had to be in bed, he was still looking pale and exhausted, but his eyes had their sparkle back and he looked again like the Harold Bride I knew and loved. He was sitting up, peeling a grapefruit. He smiled when he saw me. "You're here!", he said.

"I promised, didn't I?", I managed to smile. I sat down beside him and we started a meaningless conversation. I noticed that Bride was carefully avoiding anything that had something to do with Jack, or Titanic, but I was grateful for that. Thinking about Jack or the night he and Will and so many others had died was like a knife in my heart, leaving me gasping for air and bleeding. I couldn't bear to talk about it.

And I had the feeling that it was the same for Bride. Every now and then, when we were silent for a second, I noticed a strange new look in his deep eyes. The look of terror and pain. I recognised it immediately. It was the same look my eyes had.

We were interrupted when a man entered the room. He must have been in his late thirties, but he looked still young and strong. He was tall, with dark hair and eyes and he had the air of someone who was used to his orders being obeyed. Some people might have found him intimidating, but he had something strong and friendly about him that seemed strangely comforting to me. It took me a second to recognise him. The man that I had seen on the deck of the Carpathia, together with Lowe and Boxhall … Captain Rostron.

He was looking at Bride, obviously taken aback. "Are you Harold Bride?", he asked, sounding surprised as he noticed the pale young man sitting in his bed. Bride nodded. "Yes, I am", he confirmed. Rostron shook his head. "But you are just a boy!", he said sympathetically. "How old are you?" "22", Bride replied.

Rostron's face broke into a smile. "You baby!", he said friendly. "I do hope that you are feeling better today!" "No fever since this morning", Bride answered.

"Good!", Rostron said, sounding satisfied. "Because to be honest, this is not a purely social visit." He seemed suddenly a bit awkward. But Bride only smiled. "I know", he said. Now, I was just confused as Rostron.

"What do you know?", he asked. Bride calmly looked up to him. "Everything", he replied. "Your wireless operator Harold Cottam collapsed after a 48 hour shift and now you need someone to cover for him. That is why you have come here, because I am the only wireless operator on this ship beside Cottam."

Rostron seemed uncomofortable. "We would really appreciate your help", he admitted. "But if you don't feel up to it, if you need to rest –"

"I'll do it", Bride interrupted him. "It's okay." He flinched shortly as he said this. I knew that he was thinking the same thing as me. "Okay" had been Jack's favourite word …

Rostron nodded gratefully. "I will make everything ready", he promised. "I just need someone to help me get to the wireless room", Bride reminded him. "My feet …" Rostron nodded. "You will get everything you need", he assured him. Then, Rostron disappeared. I looked at Bride, concerned. "Don't you think this could get too much for you?", I asked "Shouldn't you better stay in bed for at least one more day?"

Bride smiled sadly. "Maybe", he answered. "But I feel like I'll go crazy if I have to spent another hour here, thinking …" The pain in his face was so intense that it broke my heart. I was scared that he would start crying, but Bride took a deep breath and the moment passed.

"I want to do something useful", he said. "And Jack … Jack would have done the same."

Later, two sailors entered, to carry Bride to the wireless room. I flinched inwardly, when I saw the huge bandages that covered his frozen feet. I followed him to the wireless room. It had been a demand of Bride that I could visit him at any time.

"I'll visit you later!", I promised him.

Now that Bride was working, I went back to the dining room. There, Pitman was trying to get Boxhall to eat something. "I am not hungry!", Boxhall protested. "You haven't eaten since yesterday!", Pitman reminded him. Boxhall shook his head.

"I can't eat", he explained. "I can't keep anything down …" Boxhall closed his eyes. "I just can't stop thinking", he whispered, as if to himself. "Thinking … I keep hearing the screams … I hear them when I'm awake. I hear them when I'm asleep ..."

He started to tremble. I put a comforting arm on his shoulder. "Why don't you try to get some rest?", I suggested. "You look exhausted. We'll give you a cup of tea first and then we try if you can keep a bit of toast down."

"That sounds good", Boxhall nodded gratefully. He got up, turning to leave. "I'm just wondering who the other ship was", he said suddenly. Lowe, Pitman and I looked up, confused.  
"What do you mean?", I asked, not understanding what he meant. Boxhall turned to face us. "On that night … There was another ship only a few miles away from us", he said. "I could see her lights. At first I thought this was just a trick of the light, but then the captain saw the ship too. I tried to signal her, calling for help, but she never answered … The other ship never came to help us …" Slowly, Boxhall left the room, Lowe and I looking at each other in confusement. A few weeks later we would learn that he had seen the Californian on that night …

I spent the rest of the day thinking. Did Ada and my grandparents already know what had happened? What was I to say to them, when I would come back to England? Ada's greatest fear, losing Will, had come true … Was there anything I could do or say to make her forget that? I felt the tears coming to my eyes at these thoughts. What was I supposed to do …?

The nights were the worst. Then darkness threatened to take me over. Why was I still alive, when Jack had died? We were happy … We wanted to be together, to live together … A simple plan, one would have thought. And within 43 seconds everything had been destroyed …

I was lying there on the bed, feeling as if my whole body was frozen. And then … when my despair seemed to become too big to bear … then suddenly the world around me disappeared … And two strong arms pulled me into a safe embrace. I smiled, closing my eyes and breathing in the sweet scent.

"You are still here, aren't you?", I whispered. Jack smiled against my cheek, pulling me closer. "I'm with you … always", he said softly. But then I opened my eyes and reality took me again. I was lying on my bed … alone. I cried.

I kept thinking about the night of the collision. When Jack had proposed to me … Nobody knew that Jack and I had planned to get married. And now nobody ever would … Death had seperated us before we had the chance to be together.

The next days were endless. I couldn't eat, I cried when I woke up. I ignored Lowe's and Boxhall's attempts to look after me. I didn't want to feel anymore. I envied Bride, because he at least was able to do something. He rarely left the wireless cabin, working to forget what had happened. I was just sitting in the dining room, trying not to think.

"Why is it", I asked Lightoller once. "That Jack and Will are dead and I have to keep living?" Lightoller smiled sympathetically at these words.

"There's no use in asking questions as these", he said. "But one thing I have learned: Life always goes on, now matter how impossible it may seem to you." I didn't answer.

I spent most of my time with Bride. I felt drawn to him. His pain was my pain and this knowledge helped me at least a bit. I was not alone.

I was with Bride when the Carpathia arrived in New York. We were in the wireless room, but even here I could hear the sound of the people outside. The journalists and all the people who had come to the port, curious to see the survivors of the Titanic. I didn't want to go outside. I was scared. I was afraid to leave the Carapathia and try to live on, as if nothing would ever have happened. And I didn't want to talk about it.

Bride seemed to think the same. He was sitting on his chair, still sending messages. He was looking like a ghost as he kept working, the moving of his fingers the only sign that he was alive.

I don't know for how long we lingered in the wireless room. Suddenly, a middle-aged man entered the cabin, together with two sailors. He stood there, listening to the sound of the wireless, as if he could understand it. He smiled sympathetically.

"My boy", he said to Bride. "That's no use anymore now."

Only then did Bride seemed to notice the visitor. His eyes were wet, when he grabbed the man's hand. "Mr. Marconi!", he called him. "Sir, Phillips is gone! He's dead …" That was the first time that I had ever heard Bride talk about Jack to someone else. Mr. Marconi nodded darkly. "I was afraid of that", he sighed. He looked down to Bride's still bandaged feet. "Come on", he told him. "Let's get you into a hospital!"

I stepped forward. "I want to come with him", I said, my voice determined. Only now did Mr. Marconi seem to notice me. "Miss –", he began, but Bride interrupted him. "It's okay", he told him, looking shortly at me. "June is with me." I smiled at him gratefully. The two sailors who had entered with Marconi helped Bride to get up. He put his arms around them and together they carried him outside. I followed in their shadows.

Outside, hundreds of people seemed to be waiting, looking as the survivors of the Titanic went past them. I kept staring at my feet, not wanting to be noticed. I knew that I was looking terrible. My hair was a complete mess, the dress I wore was from someone from the Carpathia and much too big for me, especially now that I had lost so much weight because I barely ate anything. My eyes were red from all the crying and had deep shadows underneath them. I felt weak and would have stuck out my tongue at my reflection in the mirror, if I would have cared enough about my appearance.

I felt the eyes of the people on me. What were they thinking? But most of them were staring at Bride. Whether he wanted to or not, he had litteraly over night become known. He was the only surviving wireless operator and one of the key witnesses of the tragedy. There would an inquiry and Bride would have to give testimony. I promised him that I would stay with him and that we would travel back to England together. What else was there I could have done?

I barely noticed the city around. I had always wanted to go to New York, but now that I was here I kept thinking that Jack and Will should have been with me. I had looked forward to these days in America. Now there was nothing left but misery.

I tried to concentrate and be there for Bride. He was still ill, the work of the last days too much for his weak body. He had fever and had to stay in bed in hospital. "It's not as if I could go anywhere", he tried to joke, pointing at his feet. He had a wheelchair so that he now at least didn't need someone to carry him anymore, but I think that he was happy with just staying in bed, safe and away from all the prying eyes. He only spoke to one reporter. I knew that Bride was scared of talking at the inquiry. Of having to relive these last moments of Titanic again. The last moments of Jack Phillips.

I stayed with Bride most of the time and rarely went outside. I knew that another ship had left the port to find the bodies of those, who had gone down with Titanic. I tried to find out if they had found Will, but nobody ever knew what had become of him. Yet, in one sense I was glad that they never found Will's body. I thought of John Jacob Astor, who had died too. His son came to identify him. I don't know if I could have done that. I remembered John Jacob Astor's young wife. In a few months she would give birth to a child, whose father was already dead. I was glad that I wasn't pregnant from Jack. I would have never had the strength to raise our child alone.

The night before Bride would have to speak at the inquiry I was sitting with him in his hospital room. "I never thanked you for staying with us", I remembered. "I know how much it must have meant to Jack." Bride shook his head.

"I couldn't leave", he replied. "Even if I would have wanted to. Not when I saw Jack, working while the apokalypse was breaking out around him …" He paused for a second. "I can still see him", he said. "Smoking and working, trying to get help with this smile of someone who knows that he's going to die … It was strangely calming. I knew that as long as I was with you two, I would be fine." I squeezed his hand in response.

Yes, Bride was suffering too. When I came to see him the night after his testimony at the inquiry, I found him crying on his bed. I had never seen him cry in front of me before. He had always been careful not to let his pain show in front me. He wanted to be strong for me …

But I had to be strong too. Jack was gone, and now Bride and I had to continue living. If I couldn't be there for Jack, then I could at least try to be there for Bride. Maybe together we would get over this …

I lay down beside him, putting my arms around him. I wasn't sure if Bride had noticed me until he grabbed my hand. Finally his breathing calmed and he fell asleep.

The next day he was embarrassed that I had seen him like this. "You didn't have to stay", he murmured. "Nonsense", I replied firmly. "We are friends and I will always be there when you need me." At this, I saw Bride's face brake into the first real smile since weeks.

So the days went by … Nearly a month had passed now since the death of Jack and Will. Lightoller was right: Life went on, wether I wanted it to or not. And the day came, when I had to return to England.


End file.
